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The Juice Cleanse Day Two

Good news guys. I’m still here. Despite my fears and anxieties of perishing in the night from starvation I managed to get through the dark hourst to face another day of juice, juice and more juice. According to the cleanse research I should be feeling lighter, brighter and euphoric.  Unfortunately for me I slept about […]

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Our Summer Bucket List That Never Happened

Right about now the better moms are finishing up their summer bucket lists. Social media says so.  They are spending their final summer days baking pies, constructing fairy houses and making one last trip to the beach to fly handmade kites.  Good for them.  They rock. I however am not doing any of those things […]

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The Armpits of Motherhood: F*cking Chores

I’m just going to go ahead and say it. Fuck chores. They sucked when we were ten and they suck now.  Maybe they even suck more now because last time I checked we don’t get paid for them, no one even says thank you when the crap-tasks are completed and no longer do you have […]

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How To Revamp Your Child’s Playhouse (and Totally Lose Your Shit) In Ten Easy Steps

God Lord Almighty why oh why do I do this to myself!  Two days ago the girls and I decided to give our little swing set/playscape a face lift.  What I envisioned as a fun, easy, summer family project turned into anything but.  So now I sit here (covered head to toe in paint, dirt, […]

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Living Hell Comes in the Form of a Plant

If you have been unfortunate enough to contract this bastard rash then you know I am not over-exaggerating in the least when I tell you that Poison Ivy is nature’s greatest asshole. It really, really sucks. I had it once a few years ago and after a week of bathing in oatmeal, Calamine lotion and […]

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I Bought My Kid A Hatchimal and Now I Hate Myself

You parents know them… Hatchimals. AKA The brightly colored assholes that drove moms to fifty shades of crazy during the 2016 holiday season. You couldn’t get your hands on them… If you did snag one, it cost you your mortgage as well as your soul… People who ended up with less than perfect Hatchimals lost […]

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I Can’t Feel My Vagina, but It’s Not What You Think

I’ve been running lobbing a few miles on the treadmill a few days a week and I don’t think I have lost a single pound.  It’s probably due to the fact that  when I start to feel the burn I slow down, because I suck at exercise. I am one of those women who needs the […]

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Just A Walk In The Park

Confession: I fucking hate the park, really I hate the playground.  I always have.  My children love, love looooooove the playground.  Any playground will do for them.  Given the choice between Disney World and the local playground, my money is on the slide.  My middle daughter was obsessed with the school playground.  She used to […]

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Spring Has Sprung and (Almost) Everyone is Pumped!

The birds are chirping. The flowers are blooming. And the grass is getting greener by the day. Spring has officially sprung and everyone is pretty excited about it, especially here in the north where we typically endure six months of miserable, freezing, overcast weather. After about one hundred and fifty days of crap-tastic wind, snow, […]

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My Journey Into Hell

I was raised in the Catholic church, therefore I grew up with some pretty scary ideas of what hell might consist of.  I think this is pretty common with Catholic youngsters.  Hell is super scary stuff, so don’t sin!  Since my younger days fearing the fiery unknown, I’ve grown up, defected (kind of) from the […]

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