I Bought My Kid A Hatchimal and Now I Hate Myself

You parents know them… Hatchimals. AKA The brightly colored assholes that drove moms to fifty shades of crazy during the 2016 holiday season. You couldn’t get your hands on them… If you did snag one, it cost you your mortgage as well as your soul… People who ended up with less than perfect Hatchimals lost […]

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I Can’t Feel My Vagina, but It’s Not What You Think

I’ve been running lobbing a few miles on the treadmill a few days a week and I don’t think I have lost a single pound.  It’s probably due to the fact that  when I start to feel the burn I slow down, because I suck at exercise. I am one of those women who needs the […]

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Just A Walk In The Park

Confession: I fucking hate the park, really I hate the playground.  I always have.  My children love, love looooooove the playground.  Any playground will do for them.  Given the choice between Disney World and the local playground, my money is on the slide.  My middle daughter was obsessed with the school playground.  She used to […]

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Spring Has Sprung and (Almost) Everyone is Pumped!

The birds are chirping. The flowers are blooming. And the grass is getting greener by the day. Spring has officially sprung and everyone is pretty excited about it, especially here in the north where we typically endure six months of miserable, freezing, overcast weather. After about one hundred and fifty days of crap-tastic wind, snow, […]

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My Journey Into Hell

I was raised in the Catholic church, therefore I grew up with some pretty scary ideas of what hell might consist of.  I think this is pretty common with Catholic youngsters.  Hell is super scary stuff, so don’t sin!  Since my younger days fearing the fiery unknown, I’ve grown up, defected (kind of) from the […]

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My Life Is Crap: The Joys Of Potty Training Twins

No really, it is literally crap right now. We are in the thick of potty training our twins, and it has been an entire month of human feces and tears… my tears, not theirs. Why did this seem so much easier with my first two daughters?  Oh right, because it WAS easier.  The first reason […]

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When Toddlers Attack…

Well friends, today we went on our weekly jaunt to open gym with the toddler twinnies. Wow!  What a blast we had! Kidding.   No fun was had there.  In fact for the entire duration of open gym there was a combination of whining, crying and begging for cookies from the twins.  Normally this class […]

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Barron Trump Bearing Brunt of Hatred

Hate President Trump all you want, but there is no excuse for targeting Barron Trump with your hatred, period. It seems that lately people have run out of derogatory things to say about Donald and Melania Trump. The jokes have been told, the names have been called and the people have marched on Washington. Hmmmm….how […]

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Age Three: The Year Of The Eternal Hater

The twins are going to be three here very soon. Age three…the worst age in childhood.  A glimpse into things to come. The “three-nager.” The “fuck-you” threes. The “bring you to your knees” threes. Different terminology, same meaning.   Three year old are difficult as hell.  They are total and complete haters basically hating everything […]

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2016 Was An Ass And Here Are Just A Few Reasons Why…

Oh 2016 where do I begin…   How about here. You blow. In just under 365 days you wreaked havoc on our hearts and ground our patience down to the bone.  Heaven knows I am no optimist, but I have to believe 2017 is going to be better since there is no where to go […]

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