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My Life Is Crap: The Joys Of Potty Training Twins

No really, it is literally crap right now. We are in the thick of potty training our twins, and it has been an entire month of human feces and tears… my tears, not theirs. Why did this seem so much easier with my first two daughters?  Oh right, because it WAS easier.  The first reason […]

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toddler

When Toddlers Attack…

Well friends, today we went on our weekly jaunt to open gym with the toddler twinnies. Wow!  What a blast we had! Kidding.   No fun was had there.  In fact for the entire duration of open gym there was a combination of whining, crying and begging for cookies from the twins.  Normally this class […]

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Barron Trump Bearing Brunt of Hatred

Hate President Trump all you want, but there is no excuse for targeting Barron Trump with your hatred, period. It seems that lately people have run out of derogatory things to say about Donald and Melania Trump. The jokes have been told, the names have been called and the people have marched on Washington. Hmmmm….how […]

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Age Three: The Year Of The Eternal Hater

The twins are going to be three here very soon. Age three…the worst age in childhood.  A glimpse into things to come. The “three-nager.” The “fuck-you” threes. The “bring you to your knees” threes. Different terminology, same meaning.   Three year old are difficult as hell.  They are total and complete haters basically hating everything […]

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2016 Was An Ass And Here Are Just A Few Reasons Why…

Oh 2016 where do I begin…   How about here. You blow. In just under 365 days you wreaked havoc on our hearts and ground our patience down to the bone.  Heaven knows I am no optimist, but I have to believe 2017 is going to be better since there is no where to go […]

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yoga

Ways Not To Lose Your Sh*t With Your Kids Over Winter Break

Family in town for the holidays? Is the money tree looking a bit bare this time of year? Kids running circles around you like possessed woodland creatures from the fiery pits of hell? Stressed to the max?   Yeah…me too ladies. Me…fucking…too. I know I get frazzled, run down and stressed about this time every single year. […]

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My Toy Shit List Part 2- Contraptions of Parental Torture- The Christmas Edition

Friends I have four young children.  I think you can all use your imaginations to visualize how many stupid, life destroying plastic toys might currently lurk in our home.  One ranty summer day I wrote about the toys that I hate the most.  You can read all about my hatred here at My Toy Shit […]

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Unexpected Parallels Between The Holidays and The Flu

Aside from the vast difference in weight gain, the holidays closely resemble many characteristics of the common flu virus.  Let us consider some of the distinct similarities.   Both holiday preparation and the flu virus will leave you exhausted, run down and sore from head to toe.  I know this feeling well as I bring […]

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manttrum

The “Man” trum

  I am quickly becoming the Queen of a lot of things around here. The Blogging Queen The Suburban Queen Queen of the New Couches   Here is one more Queenly status we need to be adding to my repertoire: Queen of the Tantrums   The twins throw tantrums over anything and everything all.daaaaaaay.long.  They […]

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words

Motherhood and the Demise of My Vocabulary

When I was in my early twenties I took the GRE Test in order to complete my application for graduate school.  I scored exceptionally high in the vocabulary department.  You would never know that these days though.  For the past ten years I have relied on a sampling of simple words and commands that now […]

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