I will never forget my first mom hangover. Our first born was three months old and the Hubs and I were just itching to put real clothes on and get away for the night. We attended a family wedding and spent the night in a hotel…I think…whether we ever made it back to the room or not is questionable. Needless to say we drank a lot. We threw those suckers back as fast as we could order them. Us new parents had something to prove that night, we were still young, still cool and could still par-tay. We didn’t have a baby to get up with that night so we went WILD…absolutely bananas! The pain of this ill decision is forever seared into my brain. In my opinion there is nothing quite as grueling as the mom-hangover.
The wave of pain took over somewhere in the night. Oh-em-gee. Now I partied my years away in college and was no stranger to the pain of a hangover, but this was different. This hurt really badly…because I could not sleep until 4 pm, order take out and go back to sleep. Nope, check out was at 10 am and I distinctly remember wanting to die right there on the lobby floor. Of COURSE there was a blizzard on this particular morning and our drive home took three times as long as it should have. A number of McDonalds stops were made, my stomach was ripped to complete shreds. Again, just leave me here on this dirty bathroom floor and let me die at McDonalds, surrounded by the stench of grease and french fries…really not a bad way to go.
We did finally make it home, but we were in no way shape or form to watch our infant. She wasn’t even mobile at this point and we still couldn’t deal. My mom, (Cindy-Poppins,) had to stay over so that we could sleep away the shame and the booze.
Did I learn my lesson, no I did not. I am actually a little hungover right now, it’s vacation…don’t judge. Now, since I did not learn my lesson and still indulge in a bit too much boozy fun I will share my tips for surviving the mom-hangover.
First, bargain your little life away the day before. You may have to promise your husband sex for the whole week so that he gets up with the kiddos and let’s you sleep in…because sleep is the forbidden mom hangover fruit isn’t it friends? It’s ok, you can cross your fingers behind your back, I do it all of the time. You might have to promise your kids that if they do not speak to you before noon, you will buy them a new barbie…or a pony. Do what you have to do people. I will choose a stinky pony in my suburban backyard over a mom hangover ANY DAY.
Second, eat, eat EAT. There is nothing worse than having a tummy full of rancid booze and no food. Even if your mom ass is slumped over on the kitchen floor by midnight, shovel that pizza in ladies. No pizza? Loaf of bread. No bread? goldfish, animal crackers, Gogurt… it won’t be pretty, but it will probably save your life.
Third, water is your best friend. I drink it like a sailor and bathe in it like a fish. NOTHING feels better than laying in a luke warm shower the morning after. The shower will wash away the sins of the night before, clean whatever nasty bar germs are lurking on your body AND drown out the sounds of your children. Kid screams the morning after and the WORST. No, that is incorrect. Toddler poop is actually the worst thing that you can encounter during a mom-hangover, but shrieks from the little misfits takes a close second. Anyhoo, the shower stall is often located directly next to the potty… helpful if you are a puker like myself.
Sleep. You may not recall exactly what that is because you are a mom and function only on memories of sleep, but sleep is the key. If I can melt away in the shower, take a few Tyenol and pass back out for a few hours, then I am good to go. If I can not go back to sleep…it is back to the shower to try and drown myself. Again, I will choose death over the mom-hangover any day.
The thing is as much as the mom-hangover is the enemy, it is an evil necessity. There is so much pressure, anxiety, stress, and emotional turbulence in my life as a mom of four I NEED a night out with my ladies. I NEED to let loose and have a few cocktails, (sometimes more than a few.) It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it is Moms Gone Wild.