Every single week of my life I troll the aisles of our local grocery store snagging goods for my little monsters’ lunches, snacks and dinners… You know the drill. I know where everything is by heart, I know it takes me exactly 43 minutes to get through my list and I know all of the cashiers by name.
There is this one female cashier who seems to be there all of the time. First thing on a Tuesday morning…she is there, middle of the weekend rush…there, late on a Friday night…still there. She never wears make up or a smile, her hair is always pulled back in a tight pony tail and she almost always looks as if she might punch you in the face if you hand her a wad of coupons.
I like her.
We don’t really make small talk, only the occasional paper or plastic-any coupons today-do you have your discount card chit chat. Nevertheless I feel like I know her. I imagine the two of us slamming a beer in the storage room while throwing a few swear words around. Perhaps my imaginary cashier bff and I would snag some discount doughnuts off of a shelf and shovel them into our mouths while taking some trash out for a manager. At this point I am seriously considering applying to the grocery store and asking if this morose chick wants to be my bff.
Today’s grocery mission wasn’t any different than any other weekly mission- other than I was in an especially bitchy mood. I had some work turned down earlier than morning that I was super confident would get picked up and was pissy at the hubs for staying up and watching sports for the past two nights. I sulked through the aisles cursing my super busy day that lie ahead of me. I finished gathering up my goods and meandered over to the checkout lines where I spotted my gal. I got in line and started throwing my crap onto the conveyor belt in my normal haphazard manor. The middle aged couple in front of me didn’t have nearly as much in their basket and were just finishing up. I saw the woman hand my cashier spirit animal a wad of bill and coupons. My pretend cashier friend sorted them without looking up…or blinking and rang up a total.
“You forgot some of my coupons!” the customer told my cashier in an exasperated tone. The cashier apologized and redid the total…watching her I finally figured out who she reminds me of- Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh. My Eeyore mumbled something about being stressed out. It was pretty clear that she was having a rough day.
“What do YOU have to be stressed over?” The lady said. He husband stood there watching Eeyore and awaiting her answer. Eeyore does not strike me as a woman of many words. She said nothing, just continued on with her mundane task of ringing this bitch up and getting her out of the store.
Just as the ass-hat couple was about to leave she quietly said, “You asked me what I am stressed about. I work here every single day. I am a single mom supporting my son. He is in middle school and plays all kinds of sports. It is busy, I am tried. I don’t know.”
“Just WAIT.” The husband said. They walked out. I wanted so badly to throw my loaf of bread at that woman’s head, (and perhaps a foot up her husband’s ass.)
As my Eeyore rang up my goods I noticed that she was flustered. The tell take signs of blotchy skin and tears pooling near her under lids gave her away. “Yeah…what you F**K could you possibly be stressed out over on this fine Sunday morning?” I said to her.
He head snapped up and she looked at me. She saw my snarky smile and smiled back and rolled her eyes. As I said, my cashier is not a lady of many words…unlike myself. “Geez I don’t know. Silly me with my easy cashier job,” she snarked back.
“Those people are assholes.” I said to her. “Who cares what you are stressed out over. I am stressed out too. It doesn’t matter over what, this is not a daily competition to see who has the more stressful life. You don’t have to fill out an application to see if you qualify as having a stressful day.” I was really ranting now.
“Right?” She said. “Paper or plastic?” She asked.
“I don’t give a shit. Just throw the crap in a bag.” I said.
She smiled. I smiled. We had our moment. I think she felt a bit better.
The world is FULL of assholes…I am glad I wasn’t one of them today. I will tell you this though, if I go back there next week and ANY bitches pick on my Eeyore- they are gonna get bread chucked at their heads. Period.