Summer of 2017 is officially coming to a close and it is time for us parents to switch gears and get ready to send our little ones out into the wide world of learning and growth.
Bye kids. Summer has been a blast but I for one am so ready for you to return to your natural habitats. We have vacationed, crafted, stayed up late and eaten enough ice cream and popsicles to fuel my mom guilt right up to the holiday season. It is time to get down to business and get our children ready to hit the books and slay the 2017-2018 school year. Let the back so school prep begin!
How To Get Back To School Like A Boss
Step One: Start rolling your pennies, get a second job or start selling your plasma. You are going to be really strapped for cash for the next month. God kids are expensive. There are backpacks, lunchboxes, supplies and shoes to purchase. Snazzy outfits will be selected with care for the first week of school just so that moms everywhere can take pictures of their spawn looking fly and post them to Facebook. (We all know the kids will be wearing ratty shorts and t shirts everyday after that first week of school until the snow starts falling.) I have four girls in various schools this year, so if you need me I will be googling “How to harvest your eggs for cash.”
Step Two: Order what you can on Amazon Prime. Let them look at backpacks on the computer and order them with a touch of a button. If you can manage to stand in aisle “hell” of Target for three hours as your kids debate between a Trolls backpack and an emoji one then you are my hero, but I can’t do that any longer. It hurts too much.
Step Three: Back to routine we go fools! Buh-bye 11 pm bedtimes and neighborhood BBQ’s that linger way into the night. It is time to enforce actual bedtimes, and it won’t be pretty. Your kids will fight this one tooth and nail. They will not take to kindly to having lights out by 8:30 with a few precious weeks of summer left, but it must be done. If you start this process now it will only make life easier for everyone the week before school starts. I find that removing clocks from bedrooms helps with this process. Just lie to them. Tell them it is nine pm when you simply can no longer parent for the day. When you feel like letting them stay up until they crash, remind yourself how miserable life will be during those first school rise and shines as you drag your small humans from their cozy beds at the crack of dawn so that they don’t miss the damn bus.
Step Four: Re-introduce items to your children such as books, manners and toothbrushes. All of those things that tend to fall to the wayside during the lazy summer months must be brought back to the surface. Make a Powerpoint presentation if you are feeling up to it. A few nights ago I announced that we would be reinstating nightly reading before bed and my girls looked at me like I was spitting Swahili at them. Goodbye mind-numbing U Tube videos, hello (equally mind-numbing) Rainbow Fairy Magic.