You parents know them…
AKA The brightly colored assholes that drove moms to fifty shades of crazy during the 2016 holiday season.
You couldn’t get your hands on them…
If you did snag one, it cost you your mortgage as well as your soul…
People who ended up with less than perfect Hatchimals lost their minds. One woman actually tried to sue the maker when her kid’s furry satanic gift didn’t hatch correctly. (Ummm…. quick thought asshole… read the return policy when buying pricey gifts.)
Other parents went bananas claiming their expensive (and really ugly) toys were swearing at their kids. (Ummmm…. Hatchimals talk in a high pitched gibbly-garb language that eats your brain. Perhaps you imagined swearing as the toy scrambled your mind, this I can see happening. Purposely swearing or rigged to curse up a storm, I think not.)
I felt so relieved when my girls showed zero interest in these toys last holiday season. I truly felt like I dodged the greatest of bullets when the Hatchimal didn’t make Santa’s Wish List. I should have known that it wouldn’t last for long. I admit that I am kind of an asshole parents who allows far too much U Tube surfing of random strangers opening toys on camera, so it was only a matter of time before the Hatchimals weaseled their way into my children’s hearts.
Fucking U Tube…
In a moment of weakness I bought my middle daughter one of these beasts for her seventh birthday. A few days post birthday I am regretting this gift with every fiber of my being.
She could not believe her eyes when she opened up her gift and realized that we had bought her a little slice of parenting hell. She screeched, she hugged us, her oval-shaped eyes lit up and for a split second I felt like we had hit the gift giving jackpot. We had done it!
Oh we had done it alright…and “it” was give a gift that would make us dream of ripping a six inch, pink, plastic chattering, light up toy to shreds and then light the pieces on fire in the driveway while wildly dancing about.
That is what a Hatchimal makes me want to do.
I guarantee you will want to click HERE and read on!