I Bought My Kid A Hatchimal and Now I Hate Myself

You parents know them…


AKA The brightly colored assholes that drove moms to fifty shades of crazy during the 2016 holiday season.

You couldn’t get your hands on them…

If you did snag one, it cost you your mortgage as well as your soul…

People who ended up with less than perfect Hatchimals lost their minds.  One woman actually tried to sue the maker when her kid’s furry satanic gift didn’t hatch correctly.  (Ummm…. quick thought asshole… read the return policy when buying pricey gifts.)

Other parents went bananas claiming their expensive (and really ugly) toys were swearing at their kids.  (Ummmm…. Hatchimals talk in a high pitched gibbly-garb language that eats your brain.  Perhaps you imagined swearing as the toy scrambled your mind, this I can see happening.  Purposely swearing or rigged to curse up a storm, I think not.)


I felt so relieved when my girls showed zero interest in these toys last holiday season.  I truly felt like I dodged the greatest of bullets when the Hatchimal didn’t make Santa’s Wish List.  I should have known that it wouldn’t last for long.   I admit that I am kind of an asshole parents who allows far too much U Tube surfing of random strangers opening toys on camera, so it was only a matter of time before the Hatchimals weaseled their way into my children’s hearts.

Fucking U Tube…

In a moment of weakness I bought my middle daughter one of these beasts for her seventh birthday.  A few days post birthday I am regretting this gift with every fiber of my being.

She could not believe her eyes when she opened up her gift and realized that we had bought her a little slice of parenting hell.  She screeched, she hugged us, her oval-shaped eyes lit up and for a split second I felt like we had hit the gift giving jackpot.  We had done it!

Oh we had done it alright…and “it” was give a gift that would make us dream of ripping a six inch, pink, plastic chattering, light up toy to shreds and then light the pieces on fire in the driveway while wildly dancing about.

That is what a Hatchimal makes me want to do.


I guarantee you will want to click HERE and read on!


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42 thoughts on “I Bought My Kid A Hatchimal and Now I Hate Myself

  1. So the manufacturer spends 10 cents creating the Hatchimal, a million on marketing, and reaps in profits of billions. Amazing !

  2. Thanks for the warning! Hatchimals are going to now be on my ‘NEVER EVER’ list thanks to reading this!

    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

  3. We had a furry. The app mysteriously got uninstalled from everyone’s phone … It was so annoying. So glad she’s too old for these!

  4. I HATED Furby’s when they were in (and my brothers were young enough to want one) and these things freak me out in exactly the same way. #avoid hahah!! #BloggerClubUK

  5. It’s amazing the things we do for our children 🙂 Be proud of the love you have in your heart and I will remind myself of this blog article the next time I step on a building block that I keep purchasing my kids!

  6. I was lucky enough to win one for my little one, so we didn’t have to take out a home loan to buy one haha! I really don’t mind it, it’s actually quite cute. 🙂 #FamilyFun

  7. I could not help myself but laugh Kristina! I imagine it to The tamagotchi phase of my child hood life. I wonder if they’ll make a come back!? I’m sure there will be something awful when my little gets older I shouldn’t laugh so loud! ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

  8. hahahaha…. my daughter still too little to ask for one … I hope by the time she understand to asked for stuff these little creatures are out of stock. Thanks for sharing and thanks for the warning…. #alittlebitofeverything

  9. Oh dear lol We don’t have any hatchimals here, so far the kids haven’t wanted one. But they did see the mini ones on YouTube & they want them… I’m pretty sure they don’t make noise though! Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK

  10. LOL. We seem to have missed the hatchimal craze. Though, you never really know. These things change in a heartbeat. Thanks so much for sharing at the #happynowlinkup!

  11. Hahaha! I feel very lucky that my kids have never been into these! My nieces love them, though. Apparently, they asked for every hatcnhimal imaginable last Christmas, and I think they got them. I’ll have to ask my SIL if she’s gone insane yet. #ablogginggoodtime.

  12. We had a curvy and that drove me bloody banana and then he got bored with it and it sat gathering dust. I hope your daughter gets bored soon 😉 Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

  13. Argh Im so intrigued by these but at the same time I know that I’ll kick myself for getting one like you have!
    Thanks for the heads up and for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

  14. I have vaguely heard of these but this is the first time I’ve truly understood what one is. I now know what to avoid like the plague next time we enter a toy store! Thanks for the heads up hon! …. And for linking to #DreamTeam of course. x

  15. Thank goodness none of those toys have made it into my house, but fidget spinners and bey blades are kind of driving me nuts now!! Sorry to laugh at your expense but this was so funny! #GlobalBlogging

  16. My daughter cried for a week when I “accidentally” let her tamigotchi die….thank goodness she is more interested in getting drunk and boys now…..sorry what?? Can’t believe I just wrote that? No, honestly those Furbie things are awful. Great post. #globalblogging

  17. It sounds like an asshole. My daughter was desperate, but I got a furby instead and she seems happy with it so far. Brilliantly written blog post #globalblogging

  18. Mine don’t have Hatchimals, I think they are still too young for them, and If I am honest I am not really sure what they are…how amazing is that. I will live in blissful ignorance for as long as I can! Thanks for joining us a #familyfun

  19. Is this the modern equivelant of a furby? I remember my mum being raging when she spent a weeks waes on one back in 98 for me to then be fed up of it within a week! #globalblogging

  20. My daughters are obsessed with them – we have two. I sold my soul to the devil to buy her one this Christmas, it cost an absolute fortune and it’s a pile of crap!! I dread to think what the next craze will be! #globalblogging

  21. Hahaha omg these damn toys, whatever they may pink and furry or round and blue are all annoying. But the little ones can’t get enough so I guess I’m okay with it lol thanks for sharing with #stayclassymama!

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