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I Nama-stopped: Failure To Find My Zen

Before the twins were born I spent a lot of days at the yoga studio trying clear my mind, center my universe and lose those final ten pounds.  I gotta say, I got pretty damn good at those tree poses, cobras and warrior positions.  I relished in the ninety minutes of “me time” that yoga provided me and I was even learning to still my ever racing mind, something I never dreamed I could do.

Then I got preggers with identical twins and went on hiatus from yoga and activity in general.  At about twenty weeks pregnant I exchanged my chair poses for couch surfing and shifted my focus from stretching and meditation to incubating and survival.  The girls were born at thirty-six week, a glorious accomplishment by identical twin standards.  Those early days weren’t pretty, but we all made it through.  I recovered fairly quickly, surprisingly much faster than I did with the first two kids and started the slow climb back to strength and fitness.  I walked, I jogged and by one year postpartum I was running three miles a day on the treadmill.  I looked better than I had ever looked since the kids started coming and thought it was high time to return to sweaty Sun Salutations.

I tried to channel my inner Yogi, but I just couldn’t locate her.  She had apparantly flown the coup along with my dreams of sleep and size two jeans.  Accepting my defeat I returned to the treadmill and life went on at warp speed.  I kept my jogging and breastfeeding up and the compliments just kept on flowing.

“I can’t believe how amazing you look after twins!”

“No way do you have four kids!”

“You gave birth a year ago!  Holy buckets!”

I’m not sure, but I think new moms can actually live on compliments such as these.  The twins turned two and I stopped breastfeeding like a boss and started spending more time at the computer.  It didn’t take long for fit and trim to dissolve into rolls and jelly.  Was I obese?  Nope.  I was not even overweight, certainly not by American standards.  Regardless, I sure didn’t feel like a hot mama.  I tried to up my treadmill lobbing but my body wasn’t having it.  I’m pretty sure that one random Tuesday evening I heard my treadmill whisper, “Been there, done that.  Welcome to middle age.  Try harder.”


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28 thoughts on “I Nama-stopped: Failure To Find My Zen

  1. Oh, how you crack me up. I think in reality, or this place we live in, our zen shifts and shows up in different ways. Yesterday’s zen will look and feel different than tomorrows… #FridayFrolics

  2. This made me chuckle but hang-on a minute! Spinning followed by hot yoga – whaaaaaaaat! You crazy lady, that sounds like torture, albeit very healthy form of torture. I am actually quite jealous, I think I would love to give this a go #FridayFrolics

  3. Hi, I lost my zen for yoga as well minus the twins. I never got to try hot yoga, enjoy spin instead now. Let’s hope your compliments keep coming #globlablogging

  4. Ah this is me but the other way around! I have found yoga since having my kids (literally in the last few months). I love it! I can’t run at all though so that’s not an option! It’s yet to make me super skinny but that was never the intention anyway so I’m fine with that. Your zen has shifted to running and that’s fantastic too 🙂 #globalblogging

  5. It’s so hard to care about your health before/during/after having a baby when so many people have input on how you look. Is that really the most important thing?? It’s hard to convince yourself that it’s not when everyone around you talks about it all the time.

  6. I’ve given yoga a go on a couple of occasions but never kept it up, but it’s something I think I could really love if I gave it chance. You’ve inspired me to give it another go! Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales, hope to see you again next week! 🙂

  7. Oh no! I never had the yogi in me, can’t get my head into it. Go you for doing what you did do to get you back to a resemblance of yourself. It’s not easy but totally worth it so you can chase after the kiddies again and again!! ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

  8. I’m not co-ordinated enough for yoga. That’s why I stick to mostly resistance training and the odd bit of cardio here and there (although nowhere near as regularly as I should)
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂

  9. I’ve been there too – periods when I’ve been super fit and slim and feeling on top of the world, and then periods of sofa slobbing and joggy bums and feeling pretty flabby. That’s more where I am at the moment. #GlobalBlogging

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