Low angle shot of an unidentifiable young couple's feet as they sit at a cafe table

I’m Thirty Five Years Old and Finally Dating!

I know y’all opened up this post hoping for a juicy tidbit of suburban scandal.  Prepare to be disappointed:

Yes I am dating.

But I am dating my husband.

We are thirty-five years old and we are just NOW getting the hang of “dating” each other. We have been “together” since we fell madly in love many moons ago girating on a ratty old couch to J Lo and Ja Rule.  I simply could not resist his bleached blonde, Eminem-like, spiky hair once we locked eyes across a smoke-filled frat house living room.  From those initial alcohol induced moments our budding romance moved along at warp speed.

We spent each and every second together, partying, studying, and hanging out with friends.  We became friends, lived together, got jobs, moved into apartments, moved into houses , and moved around.  We had four kids, saw less and less of each other, resented each other, recommitted ourselves to each other, worked on ourselves, worked on together, had some more kids, got a dog, fell apart and rebuilt…

All within the span of about fifteen years.

Do you know what we didn’t do during those fifteen years?

We never dated.

We “hung out” “hooked up” and “did things with other couples” but we didn’t ever date each other.  There was no getting dressed up and anxiously waiting to get picked up at the door for an evening out because those younger years were our broke college years.  Neither of us minded though, we were having fun and enjoying each other’s company.  We got married straight out of college and our wedding was a bonified party because that is what happens when you get married in your early twenties.  Kids followed shortly after.  We went to prenatal appointments together, kids’ birthday parties and school events, but still we didn’t really date.  A few times a year we managed a holiday party or anniversary dinner out, but these unicorn evenings were few and far between.  Unfortunately for us, probably due to the lack of dating practice, these nights usually ended in soaring expectations of wild sex and bellies full of booze and food.  Of course fights and hangovers followed and the rare date nights faded out even more with intense work schedules and the addition of twin girls rounding out our total number of children to four.

Still we didn’t seem to mind the extinction of together time because we literally had no time to think.  We have spent ten years in “go mode” and I think that perhaps somewhere in the middle of this mode your brain turns certain parts of emotional consciousness off.

Then about six months back we hit a marital wall.  I suppose that after so many years of sub-par communication and emotions locked into survival cruise control it wasn’t exactly a surprise that we found ourselves sitting on the couch having a coming-to-Jesus talk about where we were and where we were headed.  We needed to air out our years of pent up grievances and lay out our needs simply, clearly and concisely.  Because we didn’t spend those formative years talking and communicating, (Lord knows we spent it doing all sorts of other things) we maybe missed the whole “know what your partner wants” component.  So yes there was hurt, tears, feelings of betrayal and resentment and all sorts of other things that you never really imagine yourself feeling when you fall in love at the tender age of nineteen.  But like a couple of middle aged Phoenixes we seemed to rise from the ashes and rebuild our marriage.

 

Read on  HERE and give it a Facebook share when you can!

 

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28 thoughts on “I’m Thirty Five Years Old and Finally Dating!

  1. So glad you FINALLY got to date your husband! Since we’ve had our son (13 months ago), we’ve hardly had a date because we’ve been ‘busy’ or ‘tired’, and make excuses. I’m eager to get back into ‘dating’ again, re-finding our relationship and realising we are individuals, not just parents!

  2. Yay to rising from the ashes! So many people are afraid to voice their thoughts aloud. Afraid their spouse will ignore them, or worse, leave. Bravo to you two for sticking it out and communicating. Enjoy the dates! #GlobalBlogging

  3. Good for you! Most people take love and affection granted. But you got to work for it. Even if you don’t realise it because it feels natural, you work for it. Every day, every way.

  4. So happy that your relationship is rising again. Relationships is hard work and in between kids and life, it sometimes gets put on the back burner for too long. Happy dating going forward. #globablogging

  5. This is pretty inspirational stuff. My hubs and I “go out” a fair bit, but we go see a movie, or do something that doesn’t require much conversation. I love the idea of getting dressed up for each other! I’m happy to hear you’re reconnecting – prioritizing spouses is SO important!
    ~Jess
    #GlobalBlogging

  6. So great that you guys are finding time to date now. It’s so hard amongst the hectic whoosh of life with four kids. I can totally relate to so much of what you said. Going to IKEA to buy our boys bunk beds was our last date- and we had the kids with us! Thanks for the timely reminder.

  7. I was always a firm believer that you should never forget that we were a couple first before we were parents. Life, work, kids usually keep us so busy that we take things like date night for granted or don’t do it as often as we like. Glad you’re now dating your husband, have fun and make a lot of amazing memories #globalblogging

  8. This is a lovely post Kristin. It’s true – life and kids and work and routines just take over, and then when you look back it’s often too late. But I’m glad you’re not thinking like that and ‘dating’ again! Keep the spark going hun.
    #globalBlogging

  9. My husband hasn’t taken me on “date” since 2011. We even got married in 2015 and didn’t even get a wedding night. I need to kick him into shape. Sarah #fabfridaypost

  10. They say that dating while married helps to keep things fresh for couples, especially after having kids and the mundane of everyday life takes over your brain. I’m glad you are finally dating your husband. let us know how it goes. I think you guys are going to probably fall more in love during this process than you did when you first met:) #anythinggoes

  11. It can be all too easy to put each other last and lose sight of what’s important in your relationship when you have so many other commitments. You take each other for granted. My husband works away for ten weeks at a time and as hard as it is, absence does make the heart grow fonder and I think we appreciate our time together more than other do. Even so, we still need to make the effort and try to have at least one date night out every time he’s home. Every now and then we even con the grandparents into having the kids overnight and we’ll go away to a hotel 😉. So glad to hear things are working out for you x

  12. Date nights are so important in marriages, people seem to forget this and wonder why they’re having problems.
    When we had Ben, we decided we were going to go on dates monthly as we needed time away from being parents and in 16 months we’re only managed 6!! But we’re off out this weekend with the night tubes too woohoo! #globalblogging

  13. Aw glad that you are finally dating! We met a lot later – my husband was almost 30 – so we have managed to retain a bit of ‘dating’. I think it’s so important to remember why we had the children in the first place! Long may your dating continue! #familyfunlinky

  14. Nice to hear you guys have come through the hard times and making more time for each other. It’s so easy to take each other for granted. I like that my hubby and I make time for us. Even if it’s just cooking a nice meal for one another or a movie night on the sofa. He’s my big softy 🙂

    Thanks for sharing with #MMBC. Hope to see you next week x

  15. I think this story is probably familiar to many people who have children. It’s great that you and your partner had that honest communication and it sounds like you’ve come out of the other side so much better for it.
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie

  16. I loved the start of this – brilliant! My husband and I have decided to try a ‘date’ once a month as we need to communicate better 10 months into parenthood. It’s hard enough with one – so I can’t imagine the struggles with 4! Everyone else needs must come so much higher in priority. Sounds like a great idea #dreamteam

  17. Ahhhh I was expecting some juicy gossip, but this is far, far better! I LOVE that you are going on dates and with your husband. What’s your favourite thing that you have done so far? I would love to have date night, but at the moment, after the littles bedtime, a little fizz and netflix is the most we can manage! LOL. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam xx

  18. I love this.It can be so hard to find the time with everything that life throws at you and when you have kids to add to the mix it’s even more difficult. So glad you finally get to enjoy dating! Thank you for linking up to #TriumphantTales, hope to see you again tomorrow.

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