words

Motherhood and the Demise of My Vocabulary

When I was in my early twenties I took the GRE Test in order to complete my application for graduate school.  I scored exceptionally high in the vocabulary department.  You would never know that these days though.  For the past ten years I have relied on a sampling of simple words and commands that now comprise about 75% of my everyday vocabulary.   Luckily this whole blogging experience seems to have reignited that whole dormant section of my brain that recalls and uses words consisting of more than four letters.  So that has been kind of nice.  I guess it really is true, if you don’t use it…you lose it.

Here are the primary words that my mommy vocabulary is comprised of:

 

No.  All day, every day.

No! Don’t bite!

No! Don’t paint with cottage cheese!

No thank you. I do NOT want to hold your booger for you kid!

I probably say no 10,000 times each day…maybe more.  I also say this word 10,000 times each night when my husband is trying to get frisky with me and I am too tired to move, or to say any other words.

no

 

Stop.   There are quite a few variations of “stop” in regards to inflection.  Still it is right up there with “no” as one of the words that I say most often.

Stop!  Don’t run into the road!

Stop annoying your sister.

STOP annoying me!

Stop, splashing, running, coloring on the walls, eating non edible items and please STOP pretending like you do not hear me telling you to do something.

stop

 

 

Don’t.  Don’t tell me you hate this dinner that I made for you when you have ate it joyfully TWO DAYS AGO!

Don’t even think about telling me that you have homework five minutes before we walk out the door for school.

Don’t ask for a snack five seconds before dinner or five seconds after dinner, (that shit drives me up the damn wall.)

Don’t dump sand over your head, don’t ask me to find your hamburger Shopkin at 8:30 at night.

Asking these things of mommy are borderline evil and downright heartbreaking…. so DON’T

 

Eat.  Life is busy and daddy is working.  PLEASE EAT YOUR DINNER.  Eat it a bit more quickly little darlings.  We simply do not have three hours to push peas around the plate.

Eat your breakfast!  It is a waffle.  It has plenty of butter and syrup, it is NOT too hot nor too cold.  The damn waffle is heavenly carbohydrate perfection.  It is EXACTLY what you asked for little lovies…so I am gonna need you to EAT THAT SHIT KIDS!

eat

 

Go Play.  Seriously guys.  We literally birthed an entire army of you kids so that you were never lonely.  Why are you all hovering around my legs while I am desperately trying to throw a crappy dinner together?  GO PLAY!  What is that you say?  You have nothing to do?  That is downright hilarious little munchkins.

Go play in the 3,000 plus square feet of house that your dad and I work our asses off to keep us in.

Go play with four million Shopkins, Barbies, My Little Ponies and Peppa Pig dolls that we break down and buy you every time we bolt into Meijers for a gallon of milk.

Swing set, trampoline, sandbox?  None of those work for you kids?  Well that is just great.  Of all the games and toys that you could play with you always seem to choose the worst game of all…better known as drive-mom-bat-shit-crazy-game.

 

Wait.  I know that you small humans seriously hate this word, but it really is an essential life skill.  Sometimes you must WAIT for what you want or need.  You will not die if you wait two minutes for a second glass of milk.  I promise.  You will not burst into flames if I do not address your babble immediately when I am engaged in an adult conversation.

Please WAIT for one minute while I wipe my fanny!  I am literally peeing for the first time today…so whatever you need, it can f**king wait.

If I am on the phone then you better WALK AWAY GIRLS.  Your tattling can wait.  I have not spoken to another grown up on the phone in roughly two weeks.  So take a number.

Wait a second kids.  I have fifty pounds of laundry in my shaking arms.  I kind of feel like putting Barbie’s hooker high heel back on is not an emergency.  Your tone indicates that it is, I really do beg to differ though.

 

Occasionally I use some fancy words like:

all done

be nice

and clean up your mess.

 

Aside from these key phrases though, not a lot else is coming out of my mouth these days…except curse words.  Lord knows they fly all day long.

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
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51 thoughts on “Motherhood and the Demise of My Vocabulary

  1. So true. I used to pride myself on my use of language and now I can barely string a sentence together. Sometimes I forget to finish my sentence – what I was saying just falls out of my brain. “IN A MINUTE!” is a phrase I use all the time #KCACOLS

  2. Too funny! I often find myself in the “Eat, Stop, Go Play” world as well. How they can have 1,000,000 toys and games and be constantly bored is mind boggling to me! I laughed out loud. 🙂
    #MMBC

  3. So true and funny. It’s like we’re reprogrammed after giving birth to spout the essential information for a few years. My vocab has improved with my son’s spelling tests. #AnythingGoes

  4. Agreed. Why do we bother with English Literature at school if we ever plan on kids. With the babies I seem to have stopped using link words too. “Mama get George.” I’m like a cave woman… what went wrong? #bigpinklink

  5. Brilliant! I have a teen and a tween and I still use these words, all of the time! If it weren’t for the blog I’d probably believe there were no other words. Even now I can’t guarantee I’ll get a toilet break in peace with out someone shouting through the door asking for something. Oh the joys of parenting 😉 #MMBC x

  6. This is so true! My vocabulary is probably half what it used to be. Unfortunately, the husband’s vocabulary hasn’t been affected. It’s always interesting when we get started talking……

  7. I just love your blog! I can so relate to this piece! I still work part-time and its nice to be a able to use a few words at the office. Sadly, my “real” life flows over into my work life and I find myself singing kid’s songs and making fart jokes at the office… luckily there are lots of other parents in the office so generally they forgive me.

  8. I’m trying really hard to stop using No as much but it’s all bullshit, as instead I replace it with similar terms such as “that’s enough now please” or “Mummy asked nicely for you not to do that.” Then I get crosser and crosser and trip over my words until all I can manage is a short, sharp NO. This is coupled with baby brain, I swear! Thanks for linking to #Chucklemums darling xx

  9. How true all this is! I find myself saying “No” in my sleep. My husband wakes up and says “No?” I tell him never mind , then he says “You mean it’s a YES!” I say “NO!” You can’t get away from it.

  10. This is funny. Glad I’m not the only one whose kids push peas around the plate for hours and refuse to eat food they ate the day before. They also have NOTHING to do despite my house being covered in a toy avalanche. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.

  11. Oh yes!! All too familiar. I really try to rephrase things. Especially NO. It must feel like he’s always being told no so that’s why I try. But sometimes it always slips out!! #familyfun

  12. Ha ha ha…a nice read. These words are common to parents i believe and NO is commonest of all. I used this so much that my Kiddo try to imitate me and use it more often than I did. Now, I started using it less and rather use some distractions. Here through family fun.

  13. Girl, I hear ya! < Ha see what I did there! I blame it on Nick Jr. lol. But honestly I use to be an avid reader when I was younger. I always had my nose in a book and reading use to be life for me. I think that is why I always had a strong vocabulary even as a child. Now that I am a mother…well…you know….there is never time to read. Sure if I really wanted to I could bust out a chapter, maybe, if my kids allowed. But that just irritates me to no end when it happens so it sucks the joy out of reading. I find myself to not be so immersed in what's going on in the world as much as I use to be. I love to learn and I have always been eager to learn but "Aint nobody got time for that!" I guess that's how I ended up blogging again. It is beginning to ignite that literary passion again in me. Although, I am still barely reading books, I am reading others blogs and soaking in any knowledge that those posts give me.

  14. haha I haven’t thought about this but you’re right I think I must say those words about 20 thousand times a day. I think no and don’t probably take the crown. I was trying to think of other thing I say but well I think my vocab is as limited as yours! Thanks again for sharing at #familyfun x

  15. I love this! I can so relate. Lots of these words and phrases feel like they are said on repeat, all day, every day. A few of my other faves include; one second, can you listen and be patient! Great post, thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  16. Brilliant, fantastic, love this!

    Yup, I’m a mummy broken record stuck on repeat……..We’re late, hurry up, what time do you call this, time to get out of the shower, where are your (hat/gloves/scarves (all three)) we are going to be very late!!!! (school run essentials! ).

    #bloggerclubUK

  17. So funny and oh so true! I’m still saying “No”, “not now”, “wait” and my kids are 16 and 24! LOL I remember when they were little and I would be going nuts, I would swear that I was going to change my name and not tell them what it was. The incessant “momomomommomomomomom” drove me crazy!

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