I was raised in the Catholic church, therefore I grew up with some pretty scary ideas of what hell might consist of. I think this is pretty common with Catholic youngsters. Hell is super scary stuff, so don’t sin! Since my younger days fearing the fiery unknown, I’ve grown up, defected (kind of) from the Catholic church, which is probably a whole other post in itself and I no longer fear hell.
Because I have been there. I am pretty sure I just spent an entire week in hell actually and it was just about as terrifying as I imagined it to be in my youth. To be honest I am not quite sure that my trip to hell has ended. The screaming baby on the couch tells me that I am still lingering in the torturous pits of ever after. Let me walk you all through my week of hell on earth.
It all started off innocent enough, a low key week here at home with the girls for their spring break from school. No major plans were made, but we did kick the break off with some important events. Over the weekend my partner in crime, Nathalie Laitmon, and I launched Suburban Misfit Mom’s first E Book and promoted the living hell out of it. On top of that my husband and I tore up our shower and decided to revamp the entire thing ourselves…you know…with four kids running amuck. We got through the weekend ok, but by Sunday we began our slow decent into Hell. Everyone got sick. Really sick.
Now we are not talking a 24 hour flu nor a few snotty noses to wipe, we are talking full blown viral infections for all four kids, all at once! That’s right! The toddler twins and the middle and big were hacking, snotty, miserable, lethargic, bundles of annoying. You want to see what hell is? Try getting any sleep in a house full of sick kids, six straight days of kids crying over sore throats, endless sips of water that only you can bring to their lips and a cacophony of coughing from dusk til dawn. Sound sucky right?
BUT WAIT! Two kids also ended up with gross, goopey pink eye! Ewwww. So on top of the viral crud we had that to contend with. A few days into this cesspool of germs I got the shit…and I got it bad. The aches and scratchy throat signaled that hell was heating up around here and within 24 hours I was sicker than I have been in years. The kids were still feeling shitty and I was a hot mess as well. Then I got pink eye too. Super! Nothing says sexy like a gooey, red eyeball.
About half way through this nightmare we awoke to a snowstorm in April and no fucking power in the house. When everyone is sick all they want is warm liquids and a warm house. Tough shit McCarthys! You get none of that. You get a cold house, a spring break winter storm, no power, miserable kids and a chest full of mucus. Poor mom. Why don’t you just go get yourself a hot shower? KIDDING! No power means little hot water and oh yeah…YOU HAVE NO SHOWER because your dumb ass had to tear it up. (I blame you Chip and Joanna.)
So here we are, nearing the end of spring break hell. The kids are all back on track expect one little grumpster laying on the couch with a suspicious looking eyeball and I have an antibiotic ready to conquer this thing once and for all. The shower may never get done, but that’s ok. For once I could care less about home renovations, so long as this plague leaves my address and we can all make our way back from the underworld.