Popular Songs That Can Just Die Now

I’d like to think that music is in my blood.  My dad has been a drummer for half a century, maybe more.  He still plays to this day with his band of jammin’ grandpas (adorable, I know.)  My brother is a croonster in Colorado, (shameless plug Robby Overfield- check him out!  He is so amazing.)  Then there is me.  I can’t hold a tune and even when I try to sing along to the radio I f*ck up the lyrics horribly.  Nevertheless I love music.  I grew up listening to Steely Dan, The Eagles, Heart, Jimi Hendrix, Steve Windwood, and all things Motown.  These iconic artists are the soundtrack to every family vacation memory that I possess.

Fast forward decades later.  I now spend roughly 70% of my life in my car listening to shit music.  My girls love themselves some pop radio and after I hear a new Taylor Swift song for the 800th time in a week I pretty much want to drive my vehicle into the nearest tree just to shut her ass up.  Why don’t I just give the girls the same line my dad gave me when I was their age begging for New Kids on The Block and Debbie Gibson?

“When you drive your own car you can pick the radio station.”

The answer is I’m weak in comparison to dad and I choose One Direction over four crying and screaming girls most of the time.

 

Here are the songs that have been slowly eating their way through my brain matter lately.

 

Chainsmokers: Closer

Ok.  I have to admit, I really liked this song for awhile.  When it first came out I found myself  bopping along to it on my way to Target.  Now it just angers me. Don’t tell me you “ain’t never getting older” Chainsmokers.  Yes you are.  We all are and getting older sucks.  Stop rubbing it in that you bitches aren’t “there” yet.  While we are on this subject I really don’t want to hear your new song about smoking on balconies in Paris.  Truth be told I am jealous of you. carefree youngsters  I want to show up looking all hot in a Rover and smoke on Paris balconies dammit! It’s just not fair.

 

Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik- I Don’t Want To Live Forever

Honestly this song is everything I hate about the universe.  First off this is a DUO with Taylor and a One Direction-er, basically this is Millennial hell.  We get it guys:  You miss your lover.  Let’s be honest though, you probably got in a text fight over something stupid and haven’t talked in three hours.  Cue angsty break up- please come back song.  Zayn- you are singing in a tone so high that only dogs can hear you.  What the hell are you even saying!  One more thing guys, the line about you just calling your lover’s name over and over and over again until they return is stupid and pointless.  Just freaking text her already Zayn.

 

Ed Sheeran- Shape Of You

Ed I want to like you, really I do.  I come damn close when you sing your sweet love ballads, but then you throw in sexy songs like this and I am immediately reminded that you are kind of a creepster.  My dear Ed you rule the friendzone and therefore you can’t be singing hook up sings without causing my gag reflex to tremor.  This song kills me from the very first line:

The club isn’t the best place to find a lover
So the bar is where I go

Creepy.  You are admitting that you have to be where the girls are shitfaced in order to have a fighting chance at getting laid.  Then here throws this out:

And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you

Gross Ed.  You are singing about stinky sex sheets and I can’t deal with that right now.  Stop being a dirt bag and wash them.  Also, cut your hair.

 

Machine Gun Kelley and Camillia Cabello.  

When I first heard this song I rolled my eyes at the guy trying to sound like Jay Z.  There is only one Jay Z asshole.  Anyways out of curiosity I googled him.

OMG!  He is white as snow, his name is Richard and he is from Ohio.

O.H.I.O.

Anyways the song is pretty simple.  They like sex.  That’s it.  Very original there Richard.

(I did read that he bought a home for his kid’s mom and his daughter with his earnings.  That is pretty stand up.  Props for that move.)

 

Ariana Grande – Side To Side

God she is dumb.  She looks dumb, she sounds dumb and lines like this confirm the obvious:

I’m talkin’ to ya
See you standing over there with your body

As opposed to standing somewhere without your body?  Ugh.  Stupid.

Then there’s this:

I’ve been here all night
I’ve been here all day
And boy, got me walkin’ side to side (Side to side)

O.k.  Yes, yes.   You have had sooooooo much sex that now you are waddling around.  Good for you. You might wanna lay off the D for a bit before you get yourself a UTI.  PS:  The bad boy will not stay Ariana.  I feel like I have to tell you this very loudly and very clearly because remember, you are dumb.

 

Heathens – Twenty One Pilots

Really the lyrics speak for themselves:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don’t make any sudden moves
You don’t know the half of the abuse

What in the actual f*ck is happening here?  Where are we in this scenario?  A mental institution?  Jail? Hell?

Just because we check the guns at the door
Doesn’t mean our brains will change from hand grenades
You’re lovin’ on the psychopath sitting next to you
You’re lovin’ on the murderer sitting next to you

Ummmmmm.  Truth be told this isn’t a  party I want to be at.

This song blows.  Can you even call it a song?  there is very little actual singing happening here.

 

Pop radio is taking a nose dive it seems.  Good news though!  I only have about 15 years of driving the girls around listening to this crap left.

 

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100 thoughts on “Popular Songs That Can Just Die Now

  1. I love this post. I too am a music lover and apparently you and I came up listening to the same great music. What I love is when my mephews or dome other young person talks about how dope a new piece of music by their favorite artist is, and when you go to listen, the majority of the material has been sampled from back in the day when they actually made misic! Love this, your wit and your sense of humor. Thank you.

  2. And I just thought I was old. Turns out I’m just smart. “soundtrack to every family vacation” … Give me some Steely Dan and Steve Miller Band any day. 🙂 I don’t listen to their crap in the car, crying be dammed. That’s what long straps on pocketbooks are for…lol, just kidding, now that’s a blast from the past in the family station wagon…crap, I am old.

  3. You are hilarious, as always! I am a huuuuge 70s music fan and an Eagles FANATIC. There is hope: my oldest is 10 and I know you have all littles and at that age I was stuck in Radio Disney Hell (we have Sirius). NOW though, after being schooled by me, she likes Zepplin, Eagles, Pink Floyd…. we just saw the Carole King Musical last week and she sang “You’ve Got A Friend” around the house for 2 straight days. In her class her teacher had students write a friendly letter to a celebrity of their choosing and he would mail it- she wrote Don Felder (her favorite Eagle, lead guitar on Hotel California) and HE WROTE BACK!! SHe bought a Pink Floyd tee last week.

    There is hope. Begin planting the seeds now. My oldest hates most modern music, and claims today’s songs are mostly about “how much money they have or how great they are.” Yup. Her friends ask her, “what era are you from?” All the time. I take her to shows with me and it is so fun! Things can change. Good luck!

  4. I’m trying hard to get the kids to like my alt-rock radio station. We went through a LONG phase of listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat during every car rode that was more than 10 minutes. I love me some Disney sing-along, but not on repeat constantly!
    ~Jess
    #EatSleepBlogRT

  5. I have always had a love of music. I can sing but will never be good enough to make money at it. Always singing along to the radio. Really would love to have the talent to write songs and bring joy into peoples lives. Always admire those that have this talent.

  6. These really are overplayed and worn out! I would like to add Adele’s Hello. WAIT WAIT WAIT! Don’t kill me! I love her and the song, but within two weeks of it being on the radio it seemed like the only song they would play. Every single she puts out gets played until you are sick of it in just a week or two. I have to avoid the radio because of this problem! #EatSleepBlogRT

  7. This is so funny. I have to admit that I probably have what most would consider terrible taste in music and I am quite happy to bop along to pop songs with my kids. I’m sure I’ve heard all of these songs but these particular ones haven’t made an impression on me either way. There are so slightly older ones that I really hate though, like ‘Up All Night to Get Lucky’. I also feel the need to admit that I have a weird crush on Ed Sheeran. Maybe because he’s famous but not good looking so I think I’d actually have a chance with him. I don’t mind hearing about his sex sheets. Thanks for linking up to #eatsleepblogrt. Hope you can join again next week.

  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA this cracked me up. That Ed Sheeran track, I can’t even listen to it now without thinking of the Teletubbies because someone, some genius, made a video of the song with them dancing to it and now it’s totally ruined it for me! #EatSleepBlogRT

  9. Haha! This made me laugh a lot 🙂 At the risk of sounding like an old lady, they really don’t make anything like they used to. And radio stations annoy me by playing the same inane crap over and over again. Rather drive in silence than feel brainwashed! #bigpinklink

  10. Yes, I feel your pain! Your Dad’s one liner is exactly what I tell my girls. They are always moaning about my choice of radio station, but I don’t give in. I went through years of listening to bloody ‘Wheels on the Bus’ tapes in the car and now it’s payback time!

  11. I Love the heathens song. but i was late to that party! there are so many more i could add such as little mix – increasingly smuttier lyrics however a guilty pleasure!!
    #bigpinklink #anythinggoes

  12. A great list haha! Only 15 years not long then I do love the ed Sheeran song though. At the moment I love lordes new song green light super post #globAlblogging

  13. Ahahahahaha! Amazing!! My niece is a HUGE Ariana fan much to my sisters dismay, she’ll love this post. And omg is that what she means by walking side to side?! I didnt get that reference! Ick!! I kind of fancy Ed Sheeran in a weird way but I have to admit, I do wish he’d stop with the sexy songs…just be sweet and make me think you’re a really lovely example of youth today, don’t gross me out! #sundaybest #anythinggoes

  14. any song by 21 Pilots can go after just one listen. The only song on this list I know is Side to Side and I tend to stay away from those channels. My daughter has been on an old school country kick lately. There is something weird about listening to a 5 year old girl sing about whiskey and broken hearts on the way to school in the morning #anythinggoes

  15. On a daily basis I find myself sounding more and more like my parents used to when I was younger. “music these days is rubbish” and “they don’t make them like they used to”. I cringe at myself as I’m saying it. Thankfully the odd one or two come out that keeps my faith in ‘popular music’, but it’s safe to say my Spotify list is predominantly full of ‘oldies’! #anythinggoes

  16. Great post about music. I feel you music for me is everything, I really can’t spend a day without listening to it. And that song of Ed sheeran shape of you is what I listen 24/24 I just love to dance on it. All sogs are awesome thanks for sharing

  17. I’m totally with you. I hardly listen anything from the 90’s onwards. I’m stuck in the 40-80′ with a strong preference for 60’s rock and 70’s disco and that’s it.
    Even my friends think I am a bit of a weirdo, because I don’t listen to popular music of today AT ALL. I don’t know any of the songs you listed here, but I trust you, they are surely shit. Last time I tried listening to the mainstream radio was around the time when Rianna got Umbrella out. #globalblogging

  18. This made me laugh; my daughter comes home from Kindergarten singing some of these and I try not to grimace as she sings the lyrics all the girls in her class are singing without a clue at how I enlightened and sexist they are. Great post! Love the candid reviews! Cheers!

  19. #eatsleepblogRT i love this, i too am a pop queen with an eclectic taste. Daddy is a rocker / metal guy and my sons music taste is (as a result) …confused! haha

  20. I’m with you, I hate popular music, hardly ever listening to anything written after the 90’s. My friends think I’m a weirdo, because I refuse to listen to the mainstream radio too. Stopped around the time Rihanna came out with Umbrella 😭 I don’t know any of these songs you listed. Heard about some of these singers (sorry, not going to call them musicians) but only from news and tv.

  21. Oh I totally feel you on these and the hell that is listening to pop music these days. I daren’t even mutter the lines they don’t make music like they used to for fear of sounding like my grandparents (MY GRANDPARENTS!) Some of these songs are the absolute pits, I don’t even listen to the words anymore, but the worst thing is when they are as catchy as anything and have you singing them without even realising it. Urg. Fab post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily

  22. Oh my word this made me lol 😆. How cool your dad is a drummer ! I could add a few to that list too . My 5year old is still singing Christmas tunes ! 😫

  23. Haha, GREAT post! So true. I mostly listen to podcasts in the car because my child is too small and falls asleep anyways. Not looking forward to that changing. I’m pretty confident you hit the nail on the head with each of these.

  24. You have just covered off a tick list of why I do not listen to the radio. It’s makes me sad. I’d actually gladly take my son’s current musical choice of 5 little monkeys, twinkle twinkle and the like over the rubbish that seems to be churned out now! #bestandworst

  25. We are such pushovers when compared to how we were raised. In fairness, I’ll bet your Dad would have eventually flipped on Taylor Swift if he had FOUR girls in the backseat. I’m just sayin…justfied.

    I really love the MGK/Camillia Cabello song. I can’t help it. (Richard is a pretty good dude. Who woulda thought?)

    I can’t stand Swifty or Ariana Grande…but I think someone should tweet Grande and let her know she could get a serious UTI and/or may not be able to control her bladder if she doesn’t turn down. 🙂

    Thanks for linking up to #ShowMeYours

  26. I love this post. It is awesome! I also have about 15 years of this sh*t to go.
    What makes me shudder though is when I was a teenager it was Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys and a couple of others. I barely remember.
    #showmeyours

  27. Oh my god, I feel so out of touch now, because the only song on this list I know, is the Ed Sheeran one…!! If we are in the car, my boys either want a terrible audio story on, or a DVD to watch…! Before they came along, I used to have an hour commute to work, each way. I always knew what was in the charts, which new artists I liked, and what was happening with music-now I know nothing! But what you had to say about these songs made he howl-the Ed Sheehan sex sheets is something that had also crossed my mind! And laying off the sex to stop a UTI, seems very sensible in my eyes…!! When the kids go to school, I’m just going to listen to music all day!!!!!
    #bigpinklink

  28. I agree! That Ed Sheeran song… But the rest as well. Luckily I only have 1 screaming girl, so get to choose the music – some of the time. 😜 #alittlebitofeverything

  29. HA! I thought I was the only one who was disturbed by that Ed Sheeran song. I can’t relate to the pleasure he seems to feel about having sex sheets. As for me, I plan nookie around the cleanliness of my sheets. Maybe we both have a problem….#showmeyours

  30. Yes! Finally someone who isn’t a fan of Ed Shereen! I just don’t like him….I have tried to like him but I can’t.
    My teen has sickened me with that Chainsmokers song! She plays it far too much!
    #bestandworst

  31. I don’t know any of these songs. Which I’m kind of relieved about based on the lyrics you’ve shared. Musical awareness is one of the first things that goes when you become a parent! #bestandworst

  32. OMG!! Your post is hilarious!!! I was actually thinking of how I no longer want to hear “Closer.” It’s like the new “7 Years” or “Uptown Funk” to me. I loved it at first, but it’s 2017, can we play new songs, please?! And the Ed Sheeran song is being played like three times per hour on KissFM!

    Also, I love Camila Cabello, so I can still tolerate “Bad Things” LOL

  33. This is hilarious. I feel ya on some of these songs, especially the Taylor Swift songs. I swear that Fifty Shades commercial ruined that song forever for me.

  34. Omg this is the best thing I’ve read in so long!! I was cracking up! definitely have to agree with everything you said about each song! Thank you for saying what everyone is thinking!

  35. I have 2 things to admit. 1) I never heard of most of the songs you wrote about and 2) I am probably closer in age to your “jammin grandpa” dad. The best music definitely was the Steely Dan, Eagles, Jimi Hendrix generation. But I did enjoy your post and your humor. 🙂 A lot!

  36. Laugh. Out. Loud. Too funny! I’m terribly out of the loop apparently; I’m not familiar with any of these songs (and only some of the artists) but by the sounds of it I should consider that a good thing!
    I know there have been several times I’ve been singing along with some new hit song I liked when I suddenly realized just how dumb the lyrics were (talking to you specifically, Backstreet Boys) but I try to enjoy the song anyway (which is easy to do since I don’t actually get to listen to my own chosen music very often).
    I’m going to try to harden myself now so that when my Doll is old enough, I will be strong enough to give her your dad’s line about picking music.
    #EatSleepBlogRT

  37. Haha love it! Totally with you on the Ed Sheeran thing. I want to like, and then he does something like this and I remember why I don’t
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

  38. Brilliant! Music insn’t what it used to be. Sometimes we listen to the radio and listen to this same crap. Sometimes we listen to what’s on my phone. Fortunately, the boys (9 and 5) like Paul Simon and Hootie and the Blowfish and Bruce Springsteen 🙂

  39. Hilarious! Buying CD’s is a waste of money for me… After a few listens, I get so bored of the songs that I never listen to the CD again… can’t handle overplayed music… Why oh why do the stores have to play the music we like, can’t they let us enjoy it a little longer 🙂 #globalblogging

  40. I rarely turn on the radio these days. The way I enjoy listening to music is through Spotify. I can create a playlist of just the songs that I want to hear and then can play it on shuffle through a bluetooth connector in my car. I don’t miss pop radio at all, the same 5 songs played continually can definitely get on your nerves.

  41. This made me laugh so much. My seven year old son LOVES One Direction (Because they are all boys and girls suck) However this is better than his previous love of anything sung by a chipmunk! I do however fear I am being brainwashed and have taken a liking to Harry Styles which makes me feel all kind of wrong! Thanks for linking up to #FridatFrolics

  42. YES! I agree with all of these bar one! Leave my Ed alone 😉 Although I have to admit that they other day when I properly listened to the lyrics I realised that he sounded a bit like a creepy sex pest. Hmmm, now I think about it, I agree with you on all of them!!! #FridayFrolics ps the one direction and swift combo was made to torture those of us with decent ears!

  43. I too am weak and give in to the kids choices and when you do listen to the lyrics good god! How the hell do they get away with it? Worse thing in Holland is no censorship means we get all the f words too! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

  44. This made me laugh out loud and yet, embarrassingly, I love most of these songs!! I’m a big fan of Ed Sheeran but you’ve totally changed the way I think about that song now! Ha! #fabfridaypost

  45. Luckily I haven’t heard a few of these. I’m with you in Ed Sheeran, love his ballads but that song is just wrong on so many levels. And Ariana Grande is like nails on a chalkboard! Thankfully our kids are too young to argue and get no choice when it comes to the car radio. My oldest has figured out how to use the sonos system in the house though and I’m constantly being subjected to the Prodigy, he’s 7! WTF?
    #FabFridayPost

  46. This is hilarious! I’m so with you on Ed Sheeran’s latest is awful – my daughter and I decided it is really degrading to women – why is it so important what shape she is! What happened to music – they’re not even proper tunes – omg I’m turning into my mother, that’s exactly what she used to say. #anythinggoes

  47. You can tell I only have a two year old and am still in charge of the music- I don’t know a single one of these! I’m dreading the day when he has an opinion (or works out that it’s possible to choose the music that comes on the radio!) THanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  48. Love this! I mean I don’t know half the songs thank goodness but I’m upset that Ed is singing about stinky sex sheets! I mostly have control of music still at the moment – and I have made Zach love Little Mix haha! You are right though – pop music is pants nowadays! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  49. OMG, Kristin! Closer and Side to Side are two of my favorite songs right now. Ha! What is even more disturbing is that I HAD NO IDEA that the lyrics to Side to Side was a reference to her thriving sex life. Never even considered that no matter how many times I have turned up the radio and sang it to the top of my lungs. I too think Machine Gun Kelly needs to go sit down somewhere. Love this post. Choosing it as one of my featured faves for Turn It Up Tuesday. Thanks for sharing.

  50. 24kt magic is another one that is overly played that I am sick of. I also turn off anything Taylor Swift, the MGK song I hate the chick’s voice and the chorus, 21 pilots they ran into the ground. Ed, he is ok but I am tired of shape of you as well. I think it is safe to say we are all sick of these songs lol.

  51. Yes on all of these! I also have to add that I used to lioe Adele. I still do, but I can’t listen to her on the radio anymore. I start getting a little shakey when she comes on because I have heard her songs so many times now!!!!

  52. I told my kids that their music “is not music” – oh wow I sounded like my Dad! Like you I grew up loving “old” music – like the Eagles, Queen and all the 80s stuff. I can’t stand the stuff that my daughter’s listen to! Sarah #FabFridayPost

  53. My girls are trying hard to learn every word to Hamilton. We haven’t seen it (although we would love to), yet they have heard of it, so the Mrs., she plays it on Spotify in the car, and they we use Alexa to play it at home. It’s really fascinating and it temporarily removing us from the hell (understatement) you describe. As the working momma, I know I am old because I am obsessed with NPR and learning at what ‘something wicked this way comes’… <3 #FabFridayPost

  54. My mum always used to say the same to us. We only ever had on 60s music, Paul Simon or Dire Straits on in the car as kids. I’m a radio 2 listener (although have Heart on at weekends). But I don’t mind a pop song – anything I can sing along to (and dance to). But half of these I’ve not even heard of.

    N in contrast likes Rock and the louder the better- Foo Fighters, ACDC, Guns n Roses. I pick out select songs on the ipod, because I can’t hack much of that #sharingthebloglove

  55. I have been out of touch with the Pop World lately. I haven’t even heard some of the above. I know! I am that sad! But the one that I know that really annoys me is Ariana Grande – Side To Side. OMG! Can she NOT!!! lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost xx

  56. DEAD. You seriously said some of the things that have come out of my own mouth lately. I keep telling the kids that I just can’t stand Closer, but DARN IT it gets stuck in my head! Don’t you hate that?
    The Shape of Your Body is a HARD NO. It’s weird, or maybe it’s because it’s him it’s weird. My daughter and I had a whole conversation on why this song is odd and kind of gross (my daughter is 15).
    Thanks for sharing with us at #MMBH!
    xo

  57. Totally with you! I do not get the deal with Taylor Swift – why is she popular?? Or Ed, for that matter. I love ‘You Need Me, I Don’t Need You, but that one doesn’t sound like his other songs, everything else just no. #AnythingGoes

  58. Haha you do make me laugh – I am so out of touch with what’s in the charts these days but always slightly horrified when my stepson plays me a song he likes! Music is so different these days…Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

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