groceries

Saturday Supermarket Suckiness- The Anti-Bonding Experience

Mark my words:  I will never bring my oldest daughter to the grocery store again.

Ok, that is a lie.  I am sure she will accompany me to the local supermarket about seven thousand more times at least.

Let me rephrase:  I will never willingly and optimistically bring my oldest daughter to the grocery store again in hopes of a bonding experience. Today when I announced that I would be going grocery shopping in an hour I should have known that something was up her little Justice Brand sleeve as she announced that she wanted to come and keep me company.  She is the mastermind of the family, the manipulator, the scammer, the sneak.  I love her dearly, but the girl is a force to be reckoned with already at age ten.  Nonetheless I brought her along on an already grueling weekly task.

Maybe she really does just crave some mommy-and-me-time…  This will be sweet, just me and my little lady working together on a Saturday afternoon…

momdaughter

In case you are unaware, I f**king HATE grocery shopping!  Every single damn week of my life I meander up and down the aisles checking items off of the scribbled list I wrote in orange crayon early in the day.  It is all so routine and annoying.  Cheese sticks, fruit, veggies, lunch items, dinner items, coffee, blah.  Well this week the jaunt to the grocer got even more obnoxious.

Enter tween daughter.

We had not even entered the produce section before she started in on my already frayed nerves.

“Can we get these?”

No.

“How about these?”

No.

“I hate that!”

Of course you do.

“No!  Don’t get those ones, get these ones!”

Stop talking my tiny dictator.  I have a system here and you are messing with the system.

Don’t.  Mess.  With.  The.  System.

 

Gummy bears?  NO.

Kool-Aid?  NO.

Fruity Pebbles? NO….maybe.  Those actually look really good right now, throw them in the cart.

 

Any non-food item gave cause for begging.

“Mom can I have this?”

“What is it?

“I don’t know but I really want it.”

Jesus.

 

We spent a good thirty minutes in the Valentines Day section of the store lamenting over cards, candies and other unnecessary shit.  Dearest child it is Valentine’s Day, not Christmas and not your birthday.  Just stop with the need to ask for every single damn thing in Kroger and let’s go!

I finally broke down after three aisles of pouting due to me not buying her a random squishy ball and allowed her to buy some hand sanitizer.  We were in the supermarket for an hour and twenty freaking minutes before reaching the check out line.  I said no at least three hundred times, called her name a dozen times as she wandered away to look at who knows what, and spent about three hundred dollars on the week’s groceries.  This was not the bonding outing that I had been deceived into believing it would be.  This was a warped episode of Supermarket Sweep and I was footing the bill.

pout

After we got in the car I asked her why she wanted to come along.  Really I had to know what was churning in that little blonde head of hers.

“To spend some time together mom.”  I looked at her in the rear view mirror.  You know the look.  The five second stare that moms give as they await the truth to flow from their child’s mouth.

“Also so that you could buy me things.”

“Like squishy balls, chip clips and hand sanitizer?”  I asked.

“Yes mom.  Next time can we get the squishy ball and chip clips?

 

Sigh.

 

Sure kid.

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39 thoughts on “Saturday Supermarket Suckiness- The Anti-Bonding Experience

  1. LOL I totally forgot that Supermarket Sweet was a thing.

    I also loathe the grocery store and anytime you throw kids into the mix, you can expect a nightmare. Glad you survived it. On the upside, at least your little dictator will have germ free hands. 😉

    #AnythingGoes

  2. Well, the issue is similar while taking boys to the supermarket as well. They are so excited for every new thing they see and it is heartbreaking for parents to continuously denying to their demands. I hope they grow up soon.

  3. This is freaking hilarious! Thanks for giving me a much-needed laugh! I hate grocery shopping too, I’m seriously thinking about trying this whole ordering online thing.

  4. This is why I go to the supermarket either while they are in school or in dance on Friday nights. Seriously, not enough patience or Xanax to get me through a shopping trip with my girls! 😉

  5. This is why I go to the supermarket either while they are in school or in dance on Friday nights. Seriously, not enough patience or Xanax to get me through a shopping trip with my girls! 😉

  6. This is why I go to the supermarket either while they are in school or in dance on Friday nights. Seriously, not enough patience or Xanax to get me through a shopping trip with my girls! 😉

  7. I enjoy grocery shopping when it’s just me. I don’t mine taking my 5 year old. He pushes the cart and follows me wherever I go. When the tweenager (9 year old) comes along it’s a completely different ball game. The gimmies (exactly like your daughter). Attitude when I say no. Wanders off or doesn’t follow. If I had hair I’d pull it out!

  8. Sounds like my teenage daughter. Yes I did say teenage. As she still does this with pouty eyes that make me melt. I compromise and will buy something for less than $5.00. Otherwise, she must save up and use her own money. It really does save her asking 300 times for different items. To where I feel like the bad mom saying no as many times. I make sure to add the $5.00 into the food budget. That way it is covered.

  9. Totally get this! I send hubby every Monday night so that neither of us have to cope with the stress of taking the small one shopping! Failing that I order it to be delivered. I’ve torn too many hairs out doing it the other way! #bestandworst

  10. Hahaha! Oh dear, I feel you though, myself being the proud owner of a 10 year old daughter too. I have a toddler too, so I have him fussing and squirming in the trolley and the 10 year old asking if she can have every piece of stationery, a magazine or trinkets. Not fun! #PostsFromTheHeart ❤

  11. At least she was honest! Also you survived and lived to share the tale with all of us and make us laugh. So thank you! I have to say I am impressed you brought the list. Mine always ends up getting left at home on the counter….

  12. Supermarket Sweep! I used to love that show.

    I do half of my grocery shopping online. All the non perishables I buy on the Walmart website and have it delivered to my house. I only need to spend $50 for free delivery and when you’re buying diapers that’s pretty darn easy. The prices online are the same as in the store and Walmart generally has pretty good prices.

    The fresh food I have to go out to buy at the grocery store but it takes half the time since I don’t have to travel down any of the isles taking up the center of the store. I just do the perimeter where the produce, dairy, eggs, meat, and bread are. #BloggerClubUK

  13. Hahahaha! That’s exactly the kind of manipulative stuff my oldest would do. You have to watch that child like a hawk. Thanks for sharing at the #happynowlinkup!

  14. This is hilarious. At least your daughter is still speaking to you. Enjoy THAT while it lasts. My 14yo just comes home, goes straight to her room, then passes through the portal to Narnia. She only returns to eat.

  15. Ha ha, both my kids are the same. Thankfully, unless it’s the holidays, I can go when my oldest is in school, but I have no choice with the toddler. When she stayed in the seat it was fine, but now she wants to walk, and pull EVERYTHING off the shelves. But trying to get a planking and screaming toddler into one of those seats unaided is nigh in impossible.
    #PostsFromTheHeart

  16. Hahaha points for effort though? I hate shopping with my kids I end up stuffing their face with crap on the way round just to keep them quiet and cooperative. Thank god for online shopping. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun x

  17. Aww poor you, I feel your pain! I no longer do the big food shop after the last time I took my 3 year old and he screamed for half hour because I wouldn’t buy him so ham with a teddy bear face on it! Shopping with kids is a big no no xx #postsfromtheheart

  18. I have learnt the hard way not to take the kids to the supermarket. Harry once caused the whole of a Morrisions to be put on lock down when he ran off from me and the whole store helped track him down ( eating pick n mix ) and Charley has screamed so load people in ALDI though i was kidnapping her. Online shopping all the way Thanks for linking up to #Postsfromtheheart

  19. Aw…she wanted to spend time with her mom. How sweet. LOL Or at least she wanted to spend time with mom and mom’s credit card. Ha! I guess maybe next time you could set some ground rules, if she helps you shop, and gets the trip done quicker than you could do it yourself, then and only then does she get to pick one item for you to purchase for her. Maybe you could even give her some coupons to clip for you? Make her earn it, and this could be to your advantage? Or if you save time in the store you’ll take her for hot chocolate and a pastry and girl talk time? She is a smarty, I like that.

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