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Spinning Woes of an Anxious Mind

What if…

 

Those are the primary words of an anxious mind.  When I was pregnant with my middle child my anxiety levels went through the roof.  No.  They went through the roof, circled the freaking sun and then came crashing back down on top of me.

Every minute of every single day.

I was the hottest of messes and really had no clue what in the hell I was dealing with.  I had of course heard about postpartum issues, but nothing in pregnancy dammit.  It wasn’t until one fateful lunch date with my father where I started putting the pieces of my mental health mess together.  I disclosed to him some of the random and irrational fears I was constantly having.  I didn’t tell him the really fucked up stuff out of fear that he would have me committed or something, but I told him enough.  Enough that he immediately recognized these feelings and thoughts from his own experience with his own pregnant head case…

“Oh your mother!  When she was pregnant with you I wanted to write a book called, ‘What If.’  She what-iffed everything.  It was maddening.”  Oh shit.  This is a thing.  A more than likely hereditary thing.  Good news: I am not losing my marbles.  Bad news: this was going no where good fast.  I needed help…like yesterday.

Luckily for me I had a freaking amazing doctor, a supportive husband, and close friends and family who helped me through the darkest days.  Six weeks of therapy and a few months on Zoloft had me feeling much like my old self.  The anxiety was manageable, yet seven years later it’s still there.  Sometimes it rears it’s ugly head out of nowhere; maybe a fleeting commercial or television program, something on Huffpost. Other times the irrational fears attempt to kidnap me and convince me that the sky is indeed falling.  Because I can identify and understand what these feelings are, I am able to work through them.  Hell yeah coping skills!  Sometimes I can even laugh at the woes and worries that get penciled into my mental encyclopedia of “What If.”  Recently I have conjured up all sorts of silly fears of things that might happen during my spin class.

Yes ya’ll.  I am still spinning my tail off three mornings a week.  Bright and early my girl Sara and I sweat, spin and try not to die at 5:15 a.m.  While I should be trying to clear my mind during this intense time of exercise I can not help but chuckle at the “What Ifs” that seems to float in and out of my mind for the forty-five minute I spend pouring sweat and trying not to pass out.

Alas I bring you the What If Woes of Spin Class…

What if… I actually fall off of this bike one of these days? I could crash into the metal bike next to me or smash my skull on the concrete floor.  I wonder if I should wear a helmet during spin class???

 

What if… I run out of water?  That is a great fear half way through class.  I actually start rationing my water like a crazy person that seems to forget that there is a faucet in the bathroom for thirst emergencies.  Somehow this rational thought eludes me and I mine as well be biking through the Sahara.

 

What if… these cheap ass pants rip while I am trying to shave the flab off of my thighs?  Where did I even get these pants?  God, probably Walmart.  They are definitely gonna burst at the seams one of these days.  Then I will be mortified and I will have to quit, find a new studio further away and get up even earlier.  If (when) my pants rip perhaps we should just move.  I need new workout gear…made of steel.

 

What if…my ponytail holder snaps?  Oh the mere thought of trying to do this shit with my matted, sweat-drenched hair makes my skin crawl.  I think I would have to just stop and go home.  I’m just not that hard core.  Mental note: stock car, purse and Yoga Studio bathroom with ponytail holders.  Consider buying a dorky fanny pack to hold rubber bands in while I spin.

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What if… I slip out of the foot stirrups and break my vagina again.  It happened a few weeks ago.  I slipped out and fell vag down onto the seat corner.  I swear to you I saw flashes of white as I experienced some of the worst pain in that region I have ever had to endure.  Guys…that right there says a lot about how hard I hit that bike.  Maybe I should consider wearing an adult diaper along with the helmet and dorky fanny pack.

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So if you locals should happen to come to spin class at 5:30 a.m. and see me sitting atop my bike wearing a helmet, adult diaper, multiple water bottles strapped to my hip like I am McGuiver and a dorky fanny pack now you know…it’s just my spin anxiety at work.

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41 thoughts on “Spinning Woes of an Anxious Mind

  1. Having good support means everything when you are going through tough times. OMG, I laughed so hard at your what if because I what if EVERYTHING all the time. It drives my hubby mad.

    I’d like to try spinning, but that funny meme pretty much explains why I won’t.

  2. Everything can be scary and I think more people experience anxiety that would ever admit it. You could do a whole series about the what ifs of different situations and perhaps encourage others to contribute too

  3. Hahahaha this was SO great! Thanks for helping me realized my fears are not alone 🙂 Lol the water one is so true…never thought about falling onto my vagina before but now I def will hahahah. One time I made the mistake of wearing shorts to spin class (not proper “spin” shorts) and I spent the entire class cringing as my thighs chafed together so bad and feared everyone could see them. It was dark in the room, too. Lol…

  4. Hehe, I’ve recently started spinning and I have the running out of water fear too! I also have a fear that I’ll pass out at some point. One other fear is that whilst trying my best to keep up the pace and sticking my rear out as instructed that a little wind might escape….! x
    #TriumphantTales

  5. The very idea of spinning puts the fear of God in me. Great that you’ve found your thing though and that it helps – that’s the most important thing. And clearly, you’ve retained your sense of humour! Thanks so much for linking up to #TriumphantTales – hope to see you again on Tuesday!

  6. I would attend spin class with you in a second! You would probably have me peeing myself! Keep on doing things that help you – anxiety sucks, panic attacks are real, and sending you a hug! <3 #FabFridayPost #FridayFrolics xoxo

  7. I hate a lot of boring sports and Spinning is one of them. I look up to people who can spin for 45 minutes, run for 2 hours or swim long laps at the crack of the dawn. I can’t do that. Well done you sticking to it.

  8. Excellent analogy for anxiety. Thoughts are spinning, we’re working our asses off but getting nowhere. Glad you have the support. It makes all the difference. As do fanny packs.

  9. Keep on, keeping on, my friend! I was worried you may quit after the tragic breaking of your vagina!!!

    I’ll add on to the list of “What If’s”…What If every one sees all the sweat on my butt? Co-Ed gyms are judgy places, y’all!!!!

    #globalblogging

  10. Haha. So many “what if’s!”
    My anxiety comes in the form of just feeling overwhelmed!
    I think all mamas get anxiety to a degree. I know that I never thought I would..but here I am.
    Thanks for sharing. Have a great week. <3

  11. OMG this is too funny. I totally get the anxiety thing I deal with it as well and also had a major problem when I was pregnant with my son. I too would freak out in spin class if I ran out of water or if my hair elastic broke. I have insane thick curly hair and I think I’d have to give up if it came out of my hair elastic!

  12. Wow, you’ve really gotten into this spin class thing. 🙂 Lack of a ponytail holder can make or break any workout or trip outside at all in the summer here in the South. #globalblogging

  13. What a lovely combination of heartfelt struggles with anxiety and funny what if’s at spin class! Bravo for managing to combine them both so well. Thanks mostly for talking openly about your anxiety. I feel like we all need to talk about things to reduce any stigmas and realize that so many people battle those thoughts.

    #globalblogging

  14. Great post! Open and honest.. then hilarious – loved it. Oh and spinning is torture, bicycles that don’t go anywhere is a perfect analogy for life though. #globalblogging

  15. Sooooo impressed you’re on the spinning bike by 5.15, that is truly awesome. Love a bit of spinning myself, well I have done in the past, not done it for a long time if the truth be told but it’s hardcore. MIne is ‘what if everybody finds out that I’m not going anywhere near as fast or as hard as them and the teacher shines a big torch on my bike telling everyone I’m a faker!” #GlobalBlogging

  16. I had no idea that you were also a ‘what if’ anxiety sufferer. I also had particularly dark ‘what ifs,’ during pregnancy-definitely worse than normal. Before I do something simple like walk to the shops, my series of what ifs can go something like this: what if the eldest trips, falls into the road, and a car runs over his head. What if there’s a crazy person around and stabs us. What if when we get to the shops, the little one reaches from the buggy, pulls something from the shelf, and the whole shelf falls down. What if we just don’t go to the shops!! Weirdly though, I don’t tend to have gym related what if sessions! It’s great that you can take yours, and turn it into pure comedy! And my thoughts are definitely with your vag-cripes, it made my eyes water just reading about it…!
    #bigpinklink

  17. And I thought I was an early bird! Going to a spin class that starts at 5.30 am has me worried for your sanity, the ‘what ifs’ don’t. They sound perfectly normal to me!

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    XX

  18. I seriously need to give Spin a proper go. I try and do a DIY version on my exercise bike at home but I know it doesn’t even resemble Spin in the slightest! Good for you! #globalblogging

  19. Haha! I’m a terrible what if-er. I went to spin class once. Oh my god. This was back in my gym bunny days. I could train for hours, run for miles, leg press ludicrous amounts of weight. I did tae kwon do, I did circuits, I did pole dancing classes. I could conquer every exercise going. Then I went to spin class. Dear god. The exercise. The noise. The lights. The yelling. Never again. #AnythingGoes

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