Stop Saying Lights Out! In Fact, Stop Saying All Of It Kids.

I will never forget taking a weekend trip with our best friends to a local water park when our oldest kids were wee bitty ones.  After a fun filled day of pools, pizza and arcade games we ere exhausted, the kids?  Not so much.  Our friend’s two year old son was so overly tired that at bedtime he repeatedly told his dad to “turn the lights out.”  The problem was the lights were out.  No amount of rationalizing and explaining could stop him from crying out in the darkness, “Turn the lights out!”  The four of us adults sat there in the darkness as their son cried, my daughter ripped the phone cords from the hotel wall and we all counted down the hours until their newborn baby would awake in the night for food.


Then the little guy’s father desperately bellowed, “STOP SAYING LIGHTS OUT!”  In that moment it was the funniest thing we had all ever heard.  Anytime I become totally and completely desperate with my kids I yell, “Stop saying lights out” in my head, and I can’t help but smile.  Here we are, educated, stable(ish), adults finding ourselves arguing against the tiny dictators and their bags of irrationality all day long.  Here are some of the sayings happening around our house that make me want to put my own “lights out.”

It’s broken

Nope.  Your blankie isn’t broken, your pillow isn’t broken, NOTHING is broken…except my will to live right now.


Daddy’s water

Well of course you want Daddy’s water!  It isn’t enough that I dragged my ass out of a dead sleep to bring you your mighty challis, otherwise known as the pink cup.  That just won’t do at one in the morning and you need “daddy’s water.”  I’ll just shuffle around in the darkness looking for this unicorn of a water glass.


Make the cheese squishy

My nine year old microwaved a cheese stick ONE TIME and now are lives are forever altered by it.  A cold cheese stick from the refrigerator just will not do any longer.  Now I have to microwave it so it is “squishy.  It can not be too hot or too melted…just squishy.  The mere fact that I have not yet been sainted is beyond me.


I need a snack

You need no snack!  All you kids do is eat.  Just hearing them stand in the kitchen whining for more food makes my skin prick.  How are they not two thousand pounds?  Whining must burn a ton of calories.


I wanna walk

Yes we know how much you enjoy wandering around Target touching everything and moving in different directions.  Some days I can breathe through my nose and exercises patience with you kids as you spread your sticky little wings and explore the world…other days I just want to grab some Tampons and go home.



Of course that random scrap of paper that you found under the couch is yours.  Apparently it is also your sister’s.  Now we shall fight to the death over the meaningless scrap of paper.  Let the games begin!


These pants are weird.

Yes we know.  Tags, seams, buttons, too tight, too loose, too blue, too long.  Pants suck.  This will never change.  You will hate pants forever child.  Just hold onto this leggings fashion phase with all of your might.  You could wake up tomorrow and have to squeeze into Chinos.  It could be worse.


It’s not my bedtime yet!

I suppose you are right.  Your actual bedtime is in ten minutes.  Here’s the thing.  I’m tired and I don’t give a sh*t.  Go to bed.


I HATE that (blank.)  Six out of seven nights I get this line come dinnertime.  How can you hate a cheeseburger?  No one hates cheeseburgers kids!  They are the foods of Gods dammit.  Fine.  I’ll eat your cheeseburger.  Even after you smush it up between your grimey fingers and smother it with applesauce I will eat the hell out of it.  Do you know why kids?  Because it is a cheeseburger and they are amazing.


Next time your kids make your ears bleed with their own laundry list of annoying sayings I want to to repeat after me: Stop Saying Lights Out!  I promise you will feel a million times better!

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47 thoughts on “Stop Saying Lights Out! In Fact, Stop Saying All Of It Kids.

  1. Oscar says a lot of these things too! ‘It’s broken, fix it now’ is his favourite. And even though whatever it is won’t be broken, he WILL NOT believe me! He’s always ‘Really, really hungry’, but when I make him something to eat he’ll have one bite and then throw it away because he’s full. And the worst one at the moment is that he gets stomach ache Every. Single. Time I sit down to work. I stand need to be fat because I’m up and down like a yo-yo all day trying to sort things out LOL. Great post 🙂

    Louise x


  2. I just cracked dup reading this! I worked with kids for 13 years, all under the age of 5, most of them under the age of 3. Tiny, little dictators- every single one of them! #GlobalBlogging

  3. Oh how you make me laugh! Once, our Big said at dinner, I can’t eat this. It is too delicious. We still say that! Oy vey, how we don’t all end up in an asylum is beyond me! <3

  4. Hilarious! I’m currently holding on to the days when all he can say is “mama”, “dada”, and “baba.” He already talks a lot of nonsense, so I’m just waiting for the day that they are actual words of nonsense! #globalblogging

  5. my kids went through a stage of putting cheese on a slice of bread and microwaving it, I personally didn’t see the appeal! 🙂 #globalblogging

  6. so funny, I think we are passed most of these, although my eldest daughter still drives us nuts, she still says ‘lights out’ too, even if it’s the kitchen light and she’s two floors up! Oh, she’s 28 yrs old by the way. Yes, it’s never ending sometimes.

  7. Haha. Thanks for the laugh!! The squishy cheese! 🙂
    My little one just said mama for the first time this weekend, and we LOVE his babbling.
    I’m actually looking forward to the day that he can annoy me with his talking.
    Thanks for sharing.

  8. Make the cheese squishy!! hahaha oh bless. Lilly can’t talk properly yet, but I did make the mistake of taking her to see the neighbours dog over the fence once. Now I get ‘uhh uhh uhh’ and pointing at the fence every day until I take her to see the dog! I have all this still to come! #GlobalBlogging

  9. Ha-Ha! This is hilarious, I totally do the bedtime thing too, but at 12 years old he isn’t falling over – I’ll still keep trying! And how much do I now want to try the squishy cheese thing! YUMMMM! #GlobalBlogging

  10. Love the “it’s not my bedtime yet!” It fits our house perfectly. I’m done with ’em and the safest place for them is in their bed asleep. They are so much cuter and nicer when they’re sleeping.

  11. My kids still complain about dinner most nights and one night a few weeks ago my husband yelled “Just put some ketchup on it and shut up!”… it has now become our family motto for everything… finger hurts? Just put some ketchup on it and shut up. Hate your new shirt? Just put some ketchup on it and shut up. You have to find the humor wherever you can!

  12. Your posts always amuse me. I will try to remember the “lights out” for those days when I just can’t take any more.
    PS – My kids don’t like pizza. PIZZA! I don’t think they can possibly be my kids.

  13. Ah, the joys of having children…and grandchildren 🙂 Thank you Kristin for attending the #WednesdayAIMLinkParty. I shared your post on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, and Twitter.

  14. I need to remember that. My twoodler’s current fave is “ME DO IT MINESELF!!!” at everything. Most often the things that he cannot do himself and that I, his near 40 year old mother still struggle with. I feel your pain. Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x

  15. Oh my gosh! Fit’s of giggles… The latest from my 2yo.. “I’LL DO IT MYSELF”…. Lord give me strength if have to watch her put on her clothing… It takes forever!! My sons ask me the same question after EVERY meal… “Please can I have more”… NO NO NO, you cannot have more, you have just eaten a plate the same size as your fathers… AND you are 6 & 7, STOP ASKING FOR MORE 🙂 … #globalblogging

  16. Ha ha oh dear! Can’t believe you have to microwave cheese to the right consistency!, you are a super mum definitely! Mines not talking completely yet but he always asks me to ‘get it’ and I’m a bit like… you get it!

    ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

  17. Ah the things they say! I am always wondering why my son is not humungous as he does nothing but snack – biscuits, cakes, sugar, sugar, sugar – must be all the whining you’re right – I must try whining for 90% of the day for snacks – maybe I’ll lose my muffin top before I know it! #globalblogging

  18. LOL this is hilarious!!! I can SO RELATE to that Lights out thing! My 2 yr old currently does the same thing when he’s over tired, just repeats the same thing over and over even though whatever demand it is has already been met! Drives me MAD!
    Thanks for joining us at #SundayBest, hope to see you again tomorrow! x

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