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The Brighter Side of Bad Me

I am not a perfect parent.

 

Some days I don’t even know if I am a good one!  My guess is I hover around the mediocre range most of the time.  My meals are eh, my Pinterest projects are nightmare inducing, I have a potty mouth and my husband and I squabble right here in the kitchen for all to see.

A few years back I was killing myself trying to live up to the parental image of perfection that I had created in my head, but since the twins have joined us and my husband has been practically living at work I have slid straight down into average.  That bothered me for sometime, it felt like failure.  That familiar feeling of fail  only led to me trying harder and harder to achieve maternal perfection.  I cooked more, I crafted my ass off, I read out loud to the kids even when no one was listening, did puzzles, took educational day trips with the kids, volunteered in the classrooms and kind of hated life.

So I did what I do best.

I quit.

Years later I am here making peace with kind of crappy me.  I couldn’t maintain perfect, but I can RULE average.  The truth is I am probably better for it and so are my kids.  Here are some ways that my “faults” might actually make me a BETTER mother:

You are welcome children.

 

Sometimes I swear in front of my kids.  Look.  I know this is a big old no-no.  I don’t mean to swear in front of them, but I do it more than I care to admit.  Here is the good news.  They know the naughty words.  They know not to use them and that they are for adults.  Swear words don’t even really phase them and because we have not made them into a mortal sin they don’t get all jacked up over them when they slide right out of my mounth.  In the event that they drop something on their toe and shout out, “dammit!” they apologize, and always uses swear words in context.  Both skills kind of make me proud if I am being honest.

 

Fighting on the front lines.  Truth: My husband and I argue in front of our children.  We can not always hold it in until ten pm where we whisper-argue behind closed doors.  Sorry, not sorry.  Sometimes we yell and argue in the kitchen for all to see.  Do you know what else we do in the kitchen in front of our girls?  We make up.  We apologize and we move forth as a united couple.  It is my guess that our children will grow up knowing that sometimes couples fight and it doesn’t always signify that the end it near.  Sometimes it is just an argument and that is part of life.  I’m not proud of the fact that we fight in front of then kids, but I am DAMN proud that we are able to make up in front of them.  Apologizing is hard as shit!

 

Sometimes mom cries.  When I was younger my father referred to me as an emotional terrorist.  Go ahead and process that for a second.  He wasn’t wrong.  I can whip a room up into a frenzy real fast with my passionate feelings about things.  Sometimes this leads to crying.  Would I like to cry in private?  Sure!  Do moms do that?  Where are these unicorn mothers who plaster smiles on their faces and then melt down in solitude?  Do you bitches even exists?  Probably.  Fact:  I am not one of them.  Sometimes I get sad, or mad or overwhelmed and I cry.  I used to have some serious mom guilt over my lack of emotional reservation.  Not anymore.  Do you know what my crying in front of my kids created?

Empathy and compassion.  The one they love most is bothered and is hurting and it is okay to console them.  It doesn’t mean that I am an unstable mother.  It just means that I am having natural human emotions, and they will have them too.

 

 

Not every meal is a Pinterest meal and mom makes crap crafts.  No one gives a shit if I create some gourmet meal or spend three days crafting a bird house out of moss, burlap and my own tears.  Somehow I thought that doing these things would earn me some kind of mom badge of honor.  No badge came in the mail.  The only thing that complex, gluten free, organic meals gave me was a giant ass grocery bill for food that no one ate.  My crafting aspirations did the same with the bonus of now having no fingerprints thanks to my shitty hot glue gun skills.

 

And it is all okay.

 

I learn more about myself and motherhood every single day.  It is ok to live in the land of mediocrity, because that is what works for me.    At least I am truly and completely authentic in my parenting journey.  I think the girls will end up better for it all.  When they become parents and see how hard this shit is, there will be no living up to ridiculous and unattainable standards.  They will do some great parenting some days, and other days they will downright suck.

And most importantly they will know that everyone will turn out great BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it.

 

 

 


Being A Wordsmith
Strawberry Butterscotch
Sparkles & Stretchmarks Sunday Best

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

My Random Musings
My Petit Canard
Mummy Times Two
Pink Pear Bear
3 Little Buttons
JENerally Informed

 

Epic Mommy Adventures
Wednesday AIM Link Party
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
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39 thoughts on “The Brighter Side of Bad Me

  1. I’m right there with ya, sister. I cry when I get overwhelmed or so pissed, I throw a sippy cup through a 50 inch flat screen (I’ve actually done that, I’m not proud lol.) I agree with you about cursing, I curse in front of my girls. They know not to say them (in front of me at least.) I can’t cook to save my life-i have 2 go to dinners-they’re used to it. But I’ll tell you what, in all my mediocrity, I raised 3 amazing, polite, brilliant daughters basically on my own, and for that I’m really proud. Thanks for the great post. I love everything you write!!

  2. I can totally agree. I tried so hard to be the “perfect” mum, impossing impossibly high ideals and standards. I was the zero sugar, no ipad mum I would be up and dressed first thing each monring despite being woken all night long, and rishing to get out the door to get to various self inflicted activities. Then one day I realised, there is no perfect, but there is miserable. Now some days I stay in my PJs till after ten, she can sit with the ipad so i can blog (like umm now) or we just play at home all day. And it feels like a far more enjoyable life, even if it’s less perfect! #marvmondays

  3. I think ‘perfect’ is being real. I take care around my boys but I don’t shield them from my emotions, I show them that it’s ok to cry and feel sad, to get cross, to be weary, but also to be silly and fun and happy. I may be making excuses for myself, but I honestly believe that if they see the reality of life, that perhaps, just perhaps, they may not put too much pressure on themselves, and aspire to be the best version that they can be 🙂 #bigpinklink

  4. I’m right there with you. My daughter is still pretty little, but I know that she’s a sponge absorbing everything. Trying to be perfect I think is more harmful than being yourself!

  5. I’m so with you on this!! I always think I should be a certain way and sometimes think I am rubbish but then think, my little girl is fine and happy! They will end up fine and we are only human! (I probably would stop swearing so much before learn s to talk I guess haha!) like your point on that they know they are adults words though! 😀👍 #eatsleepblogRT

  6. I am all for authentic parenting. The trouble with perfection is that you grow up and realise that life just isn’t like that. Life is shit sometimes, its hard, you have to compromise. Life is also amazing and rewarding and fulfilling. You don’t see the high points unless you recognise the low points too. You are teaching your kids about real life and that is mega important. Pen x #AnythingGoes

  7. I’m mediocre at best. I am not a good cook, I never read to them, I spend more time on my phone than I should, and I hate crafting. But they still love me and think I’m the best mom ever so I guess half-arsing it is good enough for them for now.
    #showmeyours

  8. yeah. I can relate to all of this. All. I do all of this. You left off ‘My house is messy.” Maybe that one is just my issue. But I don’t get the people with the neat house, the blog, and the family. How is that possible? You know. Somewhere there is something they are not doing. Maybe they don’t spend enough time sitting and watching the birds. 🙂 I wish sitting and watching the birds counted as an amazing accomplishment. Oh! Or painting nails. Totally an accomplishment. Great post! Thank you for your honesty. Ignore my rambling. This is a sensitive topic for me.

  9. You know what it sounds like to me? That you are a damn good mama. You are *there* for your kids and you are clearly *trying.* Bet there’s no doubt in their little minds that mom loves them like crazy. You are teaching them the importance of authenticity. I almost never saw my parents argue growing up because they are a rare breed that maybe disagrees about something every other year. As a result of this, I nearly lost my mind the first hundred times or so that I fought with boyfriends and my husband (in that order…ha!). My brain instantly jumped to preparing for the certain demise of the relationship. Frankly, I still struggle with those feelings a bit.

    Keep doing exactly what you are doing! Many hugs…
    #ShowMeYours

  10. Perfect is overrated. I try to do what I can do, and do some of it well. I cry all the time and we fight like crazy – but we always work it out in the end. Cooking is a nightmare, mostly because there’s no time between working, dance classes, homework and the 1000 other things we try to fit into a week. I think we’re all pretty normal, and maybe those “perfect” folks are lying, just a little bit…
    ~Jess
    #ALittleBitOfEverything

  11. I love that you are teaching your children to be ok with imperfection.
    You can be a great mom without everyone else’s opinions mattering to you!

  12. YES! I tried to be a perfect mum when I first became a stay-at-home mum, it nearly killed me through sheer boredom! I don’t do pinterest and my crafts really are crap! But that’s okay because my kids are happy. Whoop! #FridayFrolics

  13. Love this. I do all of the things here too (especially the swearing) and I really agree with your assessment of it. Actually, it’s not average or mediocre parenting really, is it? It’s just real and good for you. Some people thrive off of that Pinterest shit but that doesn’t make it better than people who don’t. Thanks for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT. Hope you join again next week.

  14. I work full time so that definitely ruins me in the Pinterest prefect mum stakes! I have never dared show my craft efforts on the Internet – but might do one day as it may make other people feel better about theirs!

  15. Is there such thing as a perfect parent? I always think that those who paint a picture of perfect are far from that behind closed doors.

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

  16. Putting my hand up as a totally average mum here too. We’re human and no matter what other’s might portray, no-one is perfect. #postsfromtheheart

  17. Let’s link arms over fighting in front of the kids! I don’t hold back when the kids are around. Because they shouldn’t see either parent act as a doormat. You stand up for yourself with reason and logic. And they definitely see the ‘I’m sorry’ that follows from both of us. No shame and no judging here! Thanks so much for sharing at the #happynowlinkup!

  18. There is so much pressure on women today to be the perfect Mum! It sucks it really does! Our parents generation didn’t have global society readily available in all its ‘perfect’ ways. They got on with life, done. ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

  19. Oh all of the love for this. The hubby and I always end up arguing in front of the kids and I always feel so guilty but you are absolutely right. It’s healthier for them to see us being real, and genuine with each other than to watch us spitting silent venom at each other while we fester behind a fake smile! Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x

  20. I really love this because it is soooo me! I don’t even own a hot glue gun but every time I go on Pinterest it appears that it is impossible to make ANYTHING without one. And tonight I was planning to cook cod fillets in a parsley sauce for the kids but I couldn’t be bothered so I just threw fish fingers in the oven instead. Oh and I cry all the time too! Thanks for sharing the honesty on #FabFridayPost

  21. Love this! I’m all for ruling average! And I agree that kids knowing how to swear in correct context is an achievement! Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics

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