Good news guys.
I’m still here.
Despite my fears and anxieties of perishing in the night from starvation I managed to get through the dark hourst to face another day of juice, juice and more juice.
According to the cleanse research I should be feeling lighter, brighter and euphoric. Unfortunately for me I slept about three hours last night and am starting a head cold so I get nothing. No euphoria for you Kristin, just snot and a headache.
Alas I am determined to see this torture through so I drank my black coffee this morning and got to the Detox greens. Bottle number one down the shoot ya’ll!
10:30 am. More green goodness. I really don’t mind any of these juices, in fact they are all something that I would choose to drink outside of the cleanse experience, I just wish I didn’t have to open the fridge to get to them. The cheese is so distracting.
1 pm Glorious lunch of solids. Peas with smashed avocado. I’m definitely feeling groggy but whether that is from the impending head cold or lack of calories who knows. There is not a chance in hell I am going to spin class tonight. I can’t even squat on the toilet after that PiYo class yesterday. I’m a hobbling hot mess.
2:30 The last green juice of the day didn’t go down as easily as I thought it would. It isn’t bad, I’m just kind of pining for the Coconut Fusion.
4:20 So I’m sitting her watching my kids swarm the kitchen like little locusts thinking about why my jeans are still so tight. Spicy lemonade isn’t cutting the hunger in the least. It tastes great, but it’s simply not the same as food.
5:15 Here we are at yet another middle school orientation thing. First up band. Lucky for me seats were taken so I was able to lean against a wall. I drank up my yummy beet juice listening to all of the items my daughter needs in order to be successful, but I can do is focus on how in the HELL I will make it through tonight’s spin class which I swore I would not go to but now I am. I’m having some serious anxiety over here. Remember: I make poor chocies.
7:30 The toy room is a disaster, but I can’t really clean it because that requires bending and I still can not bend due to yesterday’s hour long PiYo class. I hate you squat-jumps. One hour until go time. I’m seriously considering drafting out a will before I go.
Jesus fuckity-fuck what am I dong here? This new spin instructor does crack me up though. I love when he yells out some encouraging mantra and we are all supposed to yell it back and get pumped up. Blow me dude. Just turn on the tunes and let’s get this shit show on the road before I hop off my bike and go lay down in the parking lot for the next hour.
Holy no. Three songs in and all I can think about it getting up and leaving…and cheese. I find myself thinking about cheese all day long. He is really working it today. I should have made a shirt that says, “I’m on a juice cleanse therefore I suck at life.”
9:30 pm Here she is. My glorious Coconut Fusion. This sad bottle of coconut pulp is what I have been waiting for all day long. Very sad Kristin.
My muscles are going to be screaming tomorrow so my cleansing buddy and I are taking the day off of fitness class and walking the dogs around the neighborhood as they sniff each other’s butts.