This is a really special post because my husband and I kind of collaborated on it. Nothing like cracking open a beer and thinking of a bunch of whack things that your kids say! Without further adieu here are some of the most common things our toddler twins say…and the translation for them.
Daddy Car Run-da-round
Translation: I want to go play in your car and sing Wheels on The Bus at the top of my lungs. I will push all of the buttons so that when you try and go to work tomorrow morning the radio will be on full bast and the drop down floor boards will be malfunctioning. Have fun hurling yourself up into your blaring suburban at 6:30 am daddy!
Translation: I would like to go play outside mama. By play I mean try to kill myself in all ways shapes and forms that I can possibly dream up. If you try and stop me, I will run away and screaming and kicking until a neighbor considers calling CPS.
Translation: Give me your cell phone so that I can turn WIFI off, watch UTube videos of Wheels on The Bus and use all of your data up for an entire month in about twenty minutes. What’s that daddy? You think you will deny me this privilege tomorrow when you realize that you have no more data on your cell? Oh…I will scream until I throw up…or you give up. Either way you lose daddy.
Translation- I give zero f**cks that it is 7:30 am. I want a cookie. I neeeeeed a cookie. You won’t give me a cookie? We don’t even have any cookies? I don’t care. I will scream. I need those cookies. I am a victim of the American diet. I am feeding a toddler addiction here. Cookies run my shit.
Translation: It is the middle of the night and I have decided you need to bring me some water. I am not actually thirty…I mean I just got you suckers up about twenty minutes ago with the same bullshit drama. You came into my nursery though, so bring me that water. What’s this daddy? Water that is not in mama’s cup? Not having it…gonna cry loudly and wake the whole house up. How do I know it isn’t momma’s? I don’t, but you seem pretty worked up over it…so we’re gonna roll with it. See ya in ten minute daddy, when I scream for more waaaah-weeeeee.
Translation: I’m gonna need you to pick my little fanny up and carry me around for the next…ohhhhhh I don’t know….let’s say 14 hours. K? While you’re at it- pick my twin up too mama. I don’t know why you look so exasperated. Can’t your unicorn-like self cook, clean and run errands all day while holding us? What kind of mother are you really? Besides you are always complaining about how you never get to work out….you’re welcome mom.
All Done All Done
Translation: Don’t care that you spent half a day making this lovely meal…I’m all done with that s**t. I don’t care that you are trying to bathe me because I am caked with dirt, food and snot…I am allllll done with this bath. Oh, the nap that I never took and instead ran around my bedroom destroying it…all done mom! You want to brush my little pearlie whites so that they don’t fall out of my head. Guess what…all done. Already sucked all of the toothpaste off of the toothbrush TWICE and now I am DONE.
I am guessing that there will be a part 2 to this post. Thanks for reading lovelies!