christmas-balls-1891598__340

The Twelve (Shitty) Days Of Christmas

We all know the iconic song Twelve Days of Christmas correct?  Well here is a new spin on an oldie for you all.  We have had about twelve shit days around here full of all kinds of accidents, mishaps and excrement.  Instead of writing a different post for each disaster I decided to set the scene to song for my good readers.

 

I bring you all…

The Twelve (Shit) Days Of Christmas

christmas-balls-1891598__340

 

On the first day of Christmas my family gave to me…

Seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the second day of Christmas my family gave to me…

one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the third day of Christmas my family gave to me…

one broken (toddler) finger,

one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas my family gave to me…

a morning full of dog puke (asshole,)

one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas my family gave to me…

cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,)

a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas my family gave to me…

red nail polish on the walls (WTF TWINS,)

cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas my family gave to me…

putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch)

red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas my family gave to me… one F**KING SNOW DAY (nooooooooo)

putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch, red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas my family gave to me… a busted garage door, (in the middle of a snowstorm,)

one F**KING SNOW DAY (nooooooooo,) putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch, red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas my family gave to me…mascara on the baby

a busted garage door, (in the middle of a snowstorm,) one F**KING SNOW DAY (nooooooooo,) putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch, red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my family gave to me… Astroglide all over the bedroom ( during a phone interview,)

mascara on the baby, a busted garage door, (in the middle of a snowstorm,) one F**KING SNOW DAY (nooooooooo,) putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch, red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

On the twelfh day of Christmas my family gave to me… better be a Xanax

Astroglide all over the bedroom ( during a phone interview,) mascara on the baby, a busted garage door, (in the middle of a snowstorm,) one F**KING SNOW DAY (nooooooooo,) putty on my new couches, (you all know how I feel about the couch, red nail polish on the walls, cat diarrhea on the bed (that the hubs rolled in,) a morning full of dog puke, (asshole,)  one broken (toddler) finger, one case of head lice, and seven thousand loads of laundry.

 

Happy Holidays friends!

grinch-1038238__340

 

Cuddle Fairy
Diary of an imperfect mum

Admissions Of A Working Mother

ethannevelyn
Pick N Mix Fridays

 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
 eatsleepblogrt_zpspxcphlyk
3 Little Buttons
Epic Mommy Adventures
JENerally Informed

 

45 thoughts on “The Twelve (Shitty) Days Of Christmas

  1. I was going to do a 12 Days but you’re a tough act to follow!

    I feel you on the dog vom. My son had to do a paper at school and they asked what upsets his mom the most and he said “when our dog pukes” I died…because he couldn’t have been more on point. 🙂

  2. Sorry but had to chuckle! Sounds like you’ve had a tough start to December – can totally sympathise with the dog and cat puke and diarrhoea that is a regular occurrence in our house – thank goodness for my VAX! Hope the rest of the month improves for you! #ablogginggoodtime

  3. On the thirteenth day of christmas my toddler gave to me…pen all over the wall..yes that happenned yesterday. I’d HAPPILY trade it in for your snow day – we’d properly LOVE a white Christmas here in Blighty!
    Thanks so much for linking to #coolmumclub – always love it when you pop by! Have a fab crhrimbo & see ya in 2017 xx

  4. lol! You have totally nailed it. Can it get any worse?! I do hope you and your family have the most wonderful day on Christmas Day! Happy Christmas Kristin! xx

    Thank you Kristin for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

  5. Haha! I found myself cringing and laughing at this in equal measure!! Let’s hope the Christmas holiday period itself is better!! Thanks so much for linking up with us at #DreamTeam and Merry Christmas!!

  6. Just had to google Astroglide (must be an American brand?) and choked laughing. That’ll look good in my web history lol! Great post, hope you had good one #stayclassymama

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.