Twenty-Two Things I Am Going To Do During The Twins First Month of Preschool

I can not believe we are here already.

The twins are headed to preschool!

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For the first time ever I will have twelve hours a week all to myself as the girls learn how to count, write and act like  humans.  What on Earth will I do with myself?

Oh my God so freaking much.  I’ve got plans guys!  Plans that have been swirling around in my head for the past three years.

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Here is what I have so far:

Go shopping and actually try stuff on.  Maybe I will finally figure out what my actual bra size is.

Wash AND blow dry my hair in the same morning.

Call someone and talk to them for longer than three minutes.

Binge watch the new season of Outlander in the family room and not even feel bad about it because it’s kind of like soft porn and I usually have to watch it on the treadmill.

Make a crappy Fall Pinterest project.

Wrap Christmas gifts during daylight hours.  Living on the edge now!

Go to the mall without a stroller, which means I can actually get into a store and navigate the narrow bullshit aisles.

Eat an entire meal without paying a hefty food tax to the toddlers.

Take a nap…or forty naps.  The universe owes me some damn naps.

Perfect the art of drawing cat eyes.  Just kidding, this is not even humanly possible.

Turn up raunchy rap music in the car, roll the windows down and go gangsta’ on the way to my weekly grocery shopping mission to Aldi.

Walk around the house tossing out all of the crappy, plastic toys that have taken over my life in the last decade.

Find several hundred missing socks (seriously though, where are they?) and create sock matches.  So soothing.

Clean these disgusting carpets.  I’m going to have to work myself up to that one I think.

Fight the urge to give in to the silence and lonliness and remind myself over and over that we do NOT need another baby.

Consider having just one more baby…

Consider committing myself to an insane asylum for even letting my mind go there.

Spend an entire week researching in-vitro methods and costs, miracle births after tubals and adoption.

Decide against baby number five and go back to Target, avoid the infant aisle at all costs.

Sit in the Target parking lot and sob into my latte because I miss my little monkeys so damn much.

Call Grandma and listen to her cry because SHE misses them too.

Realize at some point that we have all made it though the first month of preschool and we are all going to be ok!

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Knock ’em dead twinnies.





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18 thoughts on “Twenty-Two Things I Am Going To Do During The Twins First Month of Preschool

  1. Hahaha. Im laughing so much. IVE got twin Boys age 11. Take advantage while you can. Because soon its fixing clothes. Loads of washing, even more dishes. And School projects. Loads of extras. Lol. They grow to quickly.

  2. The universe still owes me!
    Enjoy every god damn minute.
    Then cry bc you missed them…but don’t let them see your weakness.
    Just Say No to 5!

    You can do it!

  3. Wahhhhh I smell freedom! Work it mama….the freedom will taste oh so very sweet and yes it will all be ok especially if you do everything on this list! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xoxo

  4. LOVE this! My youngest starts preschool in January and I am totes stealing this list! Haha. The one about finding out your actual bra size really made me giggle! #ablogginggoodtime

  5. Love this! I literally could’ve written it myself. In fact, I went shopping on the first day yesterday – like actually for ME and it was bliss! Enjoy! (Although I bet you still don’t have enough time!!) x #coolmumclub

  6. Enjoy your special time alone finding all those socks and tossing out all the plastic toys (but hide them, or they will be retrieved from the bin- trust me!). Then enjoy your special time back together because I’m sure you will miss them. #FanFridayPost

  7. Oh they’re adorable! Omg I am jealous of those 12 hours. My time will come next year and when it does I am going to sit for more than 2 minutes and drink an actual hot drink whilst watching Netflix, guilt free of course! Enjoy those 12 hours my dear god knows you’ve earned them.

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